FMT

On Trying To Be Good

On Trying To Be Good

In a nutshell trying to be good will only do one thing…

Make you be bad! So why is that…

Because no one can be truly good, truly pure. We are not built that way. And we know this inside, but we choose not to acknowledge it. Because that is what we are thought by the church, by our fathers and mothers…

‘’You must be good, or God will punish you’’

This statement has resounded in my head for a long time. And whenever I did something ‘’wrong’’. I expected to be punished, even though I didn’t want it.

So, I got the punishment. It happened like clockwork (what you expect and focus on you get). And that made me want to be even more a good person. And the cycle repeats and takes you down the rabbit hole farther and farther.

You will always be good and bad. You cannot have one without the other. Like you cannot have a coin without two faces or black without white. They come together. They are inseparable.

It’s true some people err toward one side or the other. And that is what we call good and bad people. But they are never intrinsically bad or good. Maybe that’s why we love Game of Thrones. Because you can relate to the villains as much as the heroes. Each one of them show they can be good and bad and err more toward one side in the end.

So, you need to stop stressing about trying to be good. About doing God’s will. And just accept it. Embrace your dark side and love it. Because it’s there to serve you in difficult situations. Read that again…

‘’It is there to serve you’’.

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Do We Really Love God

Do We Really Love God

I used to be a very consistent church goer when I was younger. I credit this to my grandma, who kinda pushed me in that direction. So I went every Sunday. But it went terribly wrong…

I went there because I thought I should. All good people go to church don’t they. You have to repent for all your sins and be extremely good. Because that’s what God wants, doesn’t He. Or otherwise in his all mighty goodness will smite you. And you won’t go to heaven. 

Every Sunday I heard that. If it was not said, it was implied, we are all sinners and need to repent. So I believed it. I tried so hard to be a good christian and a good person. I had to let go of all my ”bad urges” and only be good.

Well I did  that for a couple of years until something happened. By consistently trying to be good. My brain had enough and started cursing God and all that is holly quite strongly in my mind. At first I freaked out. I said ”this couldn’t be, why is this happening to me”. Until one night I cried my eyes out. Balling uncontrollably. But here is the kicker. I wasn’t doing it because I loved God. But because I was afraid God will smite me. 

And that in a nutshell is what every good church goer is feeling. They can say as much as they want they are going to church because of love for God. But that’s not true, is it. And they try and try to love Him and if they’re honest with themselves they can’t.

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The ”I’m doing this to help people myth”

The ''I'm doing this to help people myth''

I hear all the time people saying….

”Oh I feel I should put this stuff out because I want to help people”

They are making documentaries, or holding interviews with the people that helped them. And all sorts of things.

But the real truth of why they are trying to show the world these really great tools (and they might be great). Is because they still feel alone.

And deep down they need the reassurance that what they are doing actually works. I know I felt that way. And I used to tell everybody about them. More so when they were not working for me at that particular time.

It doesn’t mean they are bad people. But they just can’t see or don’t want to see that that is the case. So they go so out of their way to get this stuff out to ”help people”. That they lose themselves again.

And end up deeper in the hole.

So be aware of this and accept it. It’s ok to want to do it for yourself. It doesn’t have less value.

It just might give you power.

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