Day to day thoughts

Do Personal Development Seminars Help us?

Do Personal Development Seminars Help us?

I hear gurus all the time that you need to have a growth mindset. You need to grow to become better. Because only then you will be ‘’happy’’. You need to give to other people and help them otherwise you won’t be ‘’fulfilled’’.

And as I look at so many people that go to these seminars. Whether it’s Tony Robbins or whoever, I find that 99% of them are not better off when they leave. They are jacked up with motivation after leaving the seminars, but no real transformation takes place.

I have been to personal development seminars, so I know first-hand. I met, at one of these things a guy who told me he spent £80,000 on this kind of seminar. And still, he was willing to pay another £20,000 for this next program. Just let that sink in. He truly believed this was the way, that somebody, will give him the Holy Grail. That somehow this next seminar will change his life.

I don’t think it did!

So why is this? Why don’t we succeed after going through these things?

Because we try to grow!

We hang on too tight to this idea… ‘’we need to grow to become better’’. That we lose ourselves in the process. We take up goals that the guru is saying are the best goals. And we try to make them work. The guru may have meant well and some techniques they share may help us for a while. But that is not us. That is not how we work. So, what do we do?…

We stop trying to find the Holy Grail. We stop living in the future, of what we want to be, and just live now. We stop feeling discontent with where we are and look at the things in our life as neither good nor bad. They just are, some are more desirable, and some are not. But they are there so accept them, even love them. Stop trying to transform your life and just take a breather.

Start living. Be content now.

Don’t worry about the future or that something bad will happen. Look at the bad thing only if it’s in the immediate future. And you see you must do something about it. And you will find out that every problem comes with its own solution. You just have to look.

I’ve recently seen a video of a homeless man. He felt trapped in his circumstances. He felt everybody was doing better than him. Because at the end of the day they went ‘’home’’. They had one and he didn’t. And nobody would give him a job either, because of the way he looked.

What he failed to understand is that those people that have a house are exactly like him. They too live in the future and look at what they don’t have. So, what this beautiful man should do is…

Accept his circumstances and live now.

He should stop and just look for a while, without the desire of being somewhere or somebody else, at where he is and what’s going on around him. And look with love. Something good happens when you look at what you don’t like with love. You just separate yourself from it. And then ideas come in.

He might ask himself…

  • Why don’t people give me a job.

Because I look like a bum

  • So how don’t I look like a bum.

I need to find a way to get some ok clothes, smell nice, etc.

When you relax you will always find the answer. It might not be the one you’re seeking, at first, but it will take you to where you want to go.

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On Suicide And Depression

On Suicide And Depression

 

I work Uber and mostly at night. Last week I was going over Lambeth bridge in London and I saw a lot of police. Immediately I knew what has happened. Someone just committed suicide. There were police boats looking for the body. I wanted to feel sad, but I couldn’t. Because I see doing this as extreme courage on the person’s part. I don’t condone suicide. I used to, but I don’t anymore.

I believe that this is the greatest power that we have. The power to choose whether we live or die. We truly are the masters of our fate. But we have been thought that this is not a power. We have made it something bad. We have criminalized it. In hopes that people wouldn’t do it and to keep them in fear.

We are told that we need to go on living no matter what. But why? Nobody knows! If people love life so badly. Then why are they miserable 95% of the time? I drive Uber so I meet a lot of them. That is a fair percentage.

Now I am not saying I agree with suicide. I think you should not do it. But I also think that you should not see it as something bad. Because when you are depressed, you see only the bad side of things. I know, I was there! And it makes it easy to see it as a f**k you to everybody and everything.

So, it becomes just another bad thing to end it all. But what if instead of that…

We see it as a great power and something that shouldn’t be condemned. Something along the lines of ‘’I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul’’. And what if we don’t block the urge but accept it and then think…

‘’I can always do this tomorrow’’

Imagine that you can always do it tomorrow. So today go on and look at what needs to be done to steer you out of this negative state. Suicide is always on the table. It’s your power and you can always use it. So why not face your anxious fears? After all, they are nothing compared to death. No matter if you had your heart broken, lost someone, are in great debt, lost precious things, lost your house, or been raped, no matter! They all are insignificant when compared to death.

So just accept them and feel the freedom that accepting death gives you. Why should you feel bad when you can do whatever you desire now? When you no longer care what people think and just do your own thing. Go for it and…

Your life might just change!

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On Trying To Be Good

On Trying To Be Good

In a nutshell trying to be good will only do one thing…

Make you be bad! So why is that…

Because no one can be truly good, truly pure. We are not built that way. And we know this inside, but we choose not to acknowledge it. Because that is what we are thought by the church, by our fathers and mothers…

‘’You must be good, or God will punish you’’

This statement has resounded in my head for a long time. And whenever I did something ‘’wrong’’. I expected to be punished, even though I didn’t want it.

So, I got the punishment. It happened like clockwork (what you expect and focus on you get). And that made me want to be even more a good person. And the cycle repeats and takes you down the rabbit hole farther and farther.

You will always be good and bad. You cannot have one without the other. Like you cannot have a coin without two faces or black without white. They come together. They are inseparable.

It’s true some people err toward one side or the other. And that is what we call good and bad people. But they are never intrinsically bad or good. Maybe that’s why we love Game of Thrones. Because you can relate to the villains as much as the heroes. Each one of them show they can be good and bad and err more toward one side in the end.

So, you need to stop stressing about trying to be good. About doing God’s will. And just accept it. Embrace your dark side and love it. Because it’s there to serve you in difficult situations. Read that again…

‘’It is there to serve you’’.

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Do We Really Love God

Do We Really Love God

I used to be a very consistent church goer when I was younger. I credit this to my grandma, who kinda pushed me in that direction. So I went every Sunday. But it went terribly wrong…

I went there because I thought I should. All good people go to church don’t they. You have to repent for all your sins and be extremely good. Because that’s what God wants, doesn’t He. Or otherwise in his all mighty goodness will smite you. And you won’t go to heaven. 

Every Sunday I heard that. If it was not said, it was implied, we are all sinners and need to repent. So I believed it. I tried so hard to be a good christian and a good person. I had to let go of all my ”bad urges” and only be good.

Well I did  that for a couple of years until something happened. By consistently trying to be good. My brain had enough and started cursing God and all that is holly quite strongly in my mind. At first I freaked out. I said ”this couldn’t be, why is this happening to me”. Until one night I cried my eyes out. Balling uncontrollably. But here is the kicker. I wasn’t doing it because I loved God. But because I was afraid God will smite me. 

And that in a nutshell is what every good church goer is feeling. They can say as much as they want they are going to church because of love for God. But that’s not true, is it. And they try and try to love Him and if they’re honest with themselves they can’t.

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The ”I’m doing this to help people myth”

The ''I'm doing this to help people myth''

I hear all the time people saying….

”Oh I feel I should put this stuff out because I want to help people”

They are making documentaries, or holding interviews with the people that helped them. And all sorts of things.

But the real truth of why they are trying to show the world these really great tools (and they might be great). Is because they still feel alone.

And deep down they need the reassurance that what they are doing actually works. I know I felt that way. And I used to tell everybody about them. More so when they were not working for me at that particular time.

It doesn’t mean they are bad people. But they just can’t see or don’t want to see that that is the case. So they go so out of their way to get this stuff out to ”help people”. That they lose themselves again.

And end up deeper in the hole.

So be aware of this and accept it. It’s ok to want to do it for yourself. It doesn’t have less value.

It just might give you power.

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