The Need For Perfection And Our Habit Of Quitting

The Need For Perfection And Our Habit Of Quitting

Whenever we try something new. Or we really want to learn a new skill. We are motivated and very hopeful. That that skill will solve the immediate problem we have. So, we go into it with all we have. We believe we must give it one hundred percent, or we will never acquire it to the degree we need it to. In other words, it just has to be perfect.

And that is where all our problems begin. Because that need for the thing to be perfect is so strong that every step that doesn’t go according to plan brings us disappointment and stress. Which in turn gives us the false impression that what we try to learn is incredibly hard. And that only some of us can do it.

But it shouldn’t be like this!

We take ourselves out of the race even before it has begun. Why?…

Because our expectations don’t match reality. We only look at the success that people have. But never wonder how they got that good. I remember once talking with a client about football. And I asked him who does he think is better, Cristiano Ronaldo or Messi. And his answer was this…

‘’ I think Messi is the better player because he is raw talent. Cristiano Ronaldo just works hard!’’

That left me speechless for a few seconds. But that is exactly how most of us feel. We revere people that we believe have talent. Only because that seems like something God has given, and it excuses us from failing to be like them. Saying… ‘’I just don’t have his talent’’.

But what we don’t see, or what we choose not to see. Is that these talented people work and have worked very hard at what they do. Some might have a slight genetic advantage. But as we see everywhere that is not enough. You see short guys playing in the NBA and being All-Stars. You see short and stubby boxers knocking out everybody that stands in their way. So, genetics is a very, very small part of the equation.

We like to use talent as an excuse for why we quit. Why we didn’t see it through. But that is all it is… An excuse!

So, we remain stuck for a long time. Possibly all our lives. Because we don’t understand that it doesn’t have to be perfect in the beginning. And is supposed to be frustrating. But if we don’t expect to be good at it immediately. And we just start doing it. And practice it at our own pace. Even 5 minutes a day counts. At some point, we will see we have started to become good at it.

We start having success. And then we see something else…

We want to take it to the next level. Because now we have the confidence that we might actually be able to do it. And we invest more time into it. And we have our ups and downs. But in the end, if we stick with it and don’t obsess about making it perfect, we will get to be very good at it. And at that point, we start enjoying the process and start to add our own twist to it. And that makes the skill that we do unique.

And we go from quitting to winning, to having fun. And not worrying about it being perfect!

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Same Hardware But Different Software

Same Hardware But Different Software

We all have two hands, two legs, a torso, and one head. Hence, the same hardware but the software is most of the time, if not always different. And by software, I mean… What we internalize as being the truth. For example…

My mother does not know how to swim, but she liked the water so when she went to the beach, she would stay most of the time in the water. With the water reaching up to her chest. But one day she fell into a sinkhole. And couldn’t get out. Three men saw her and immediately jumped to save her. And they did (heroes in my book)!

But she remained emotionally scared by the experience and now she is no longer comfortable in the water. She installed software that now has a ‘’bad’’ output. Which brings out the strong emotion of fear, she felt that day, every time she gets near the water.

And that happens to all of us. But here is the kicker…

We make it worse by trying not to feel those feelings. We get so used to them that we think they are part of who we are (I am just somebody who’s afraid of water!). We identify with fear or stress. And we forget it’s not us. It’s just a program that we have installed.

I recently saw a video of people walking on a bridge that was very high up on a mountain. And two girls caught my eye. They were the same age, the same height, and even the same hair color. And one was extremely afraid to walk on the bridge while the other just strolled through like there was nothing to be afraid of. She was completely at ease. They were the same in all respects. But the programs, they accepted as true, were different.

One has accepted that heights are frightful while the other accepted them as something beautiful and not dangerous at all.

So you see…

‘’We make our own hell’’.

And that is what keeps us stuck. That is why we don’t take action. Because we think those programs we’ve installed in our brains and bodies are ‘’us’’. But they’re not! The you who is in there is not afraid. Never!

What happens, is that while in that strong emotional state. Our neurons fire and wire and build a habit (program). Those are not only the neurons in our brains. But the neurons in our bodies as well. Yes, we have neurons in our bodies. Especially in our hearts and gut. And they remember those feelings.

And when we are in a similar situation. Our body sends a signal to our brain. Our brain creates a mental picture of the event. Even if it’s not happening right now. And then the pituitary gland instructs the hypothalamus to secrete the hormones you need for that program. Such as fear, anxiety, etc.

And when those feelings arise. We freak out and try to do everything under the sun to get rid of them. But by doing that. By trying to suppress them, we make them stronger and keep them with us. Sometimes our whole life!

So, what to do about this…

First, you need to understand that those feelings are ‘’not you’’. They are just the result of a program you have installed and accepted as true. If somebody else can stay calm in the situation you find uncomfortable. That is empirical proof that you can too.

So, you accept this as the first step. And then be willing to feel the feelings. Let them be and just watch them. Look at them and let them be. Breathe in and let it go!

Once you understand that those feelings are not from you but from the experience you have accepted as true. And are willing to feel them, breathe in, and let them be. In other words… Accepting them! Accepting that you feel this way and not trying to do anything about it. You will find that they will disappear after a period of time.

And you will be able to do things you never thought you could ever do.

And that is a beautiful thing!

 

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Who’s At The Centre Of The Universe?

Who’s At The Centre Of The Universe?

In a nutshell… ‘’You are’’

We all think we are at the centre of the universe. From where we are, all things start. Our experience is amazing! We feel that we are the most important thing in the world. And we love ourselves beyond what is possible. Even when we criticize ourselves in our heads. Which is pretty much the whole time…. We love ourselves! And we don’t want anything to happen to us, that will not feel good.

And this is the thing that keeps us stuck! Why, you ask…

Because by loving ourselves so much we forget one thing. And that is… we hang on too tight to what ‘’we want’’. We expect everything that happens to us to be the very best. And when it doesn’t. We feel sad or angry or everything in between. We think we should experience everything good that life has to offer because, after all, we are at the centre of it.

 And this does not apply only to humans. It applies to all living things. They all think they are at the centre of the universe. Only people think they ‘’should’’ be, and they ‘’deserve’’ to have every good thing they want. Thinking they are something different from everything that goes around them.

And it’s this ‘’want’’ that gives us the exact opposite of what we want. Because life does not work that way. We label our experiences as good or bad. But are they really that?

Haven’t you ever experienced a ‘’bad’’ thing happening to you? Which at a later date, looking back, see that it was actually a blessing in disguise.

We don’t know the way life works. And using our will to turn it into what we want, only makes it halt, and gives us what we don’t want. You can’t force life! There is no forcing in nature. The animals never force. Even if they live in the most unbearable conditions. They just move on to look for food and shelter and do what they do.

But when you give them everything they could possibly want (and extensive studies have been made on this). The entire species dies! Because they can’t do what they are supposed to do. And that is …

Experience everything that life has to offer. Such as… love, food hunger, anger, etc. Most things we try to run from are actually helping us have a great life!

So… To conclude, by knowing we are at the centre of the universe. And we love ourselves very much. We understand that by running away from the things we find undesirable, we will never be able to live a full and complete life. And by not hanging on so tight to what we think we need. We might just find peace and calm.

And live a life worth living!

 

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How To Find Calm and Peace In Life

How To Find Calm And Peace In Life

By Letting Go Of Yourself

I held on to everything I had in my life. I always tried to build businesses but always kept working jobs I didn’t like as backup. And when I would need to change the job, I didn’t like. I would put my business on hold and search for another job.

I got so scared when money stopped coming in, that I did everything to have it back. And so, I stayed stuck for many years. I hated my life, but always moved to another thing I thought will bring me success. Though there was always something in the back of my head that was keeping me afraid and stuck.

I was afraid to let go! I felt everything should be controlled and I didn’t want to lose what I had or accumulated. It’s sad now that I think about it. And after years of neurotic holding on to what I have. I realized, you can’t hold on to anything…

You can’t hold on to your money, you can’t hold on to your spouse, you can’t hold on to anything. Everything comes and goes and it’s not good or bad. It just is!

We label events as good and bad. But in the long run, we never know how that good event might turn out. It might be something that keeps us stuck for a lifetime. I remember viewing a documentary once about an old man who lived in a small town in America.

He made the winning shot in the high school basketball final. Like in the movies… At the last second, he makes the shot and wins the game. An amazing feeling, he felt that day. And it was great. It was a beautiful event. But because everyone spoke to him like he was a hero. He wanted to hang on to that feeling and adulation from people.

So, he never left that small town. Stayed there and lived only through the memory of that game. Even in old age, he was very proud of it. But you see…

He couldn’t let go of himself. He couldn’t, and he just stayed there, stuck in the past!

Control in life is an illusion. We only need to move forward and forget the rest. Just because we succeeded in something today does not mean we need to hold on to it and guard it. Or repeat it again and again. Once you have experienced something there is no need to repeat it. You move on and if it does happen again great and if it doesn’t that’s great as well.

When you let go of… yourself, your thoughts, and desires, and just do the thing in front of you to the best of your ability with no thought of the outcome. You will live a simple and beautiful life. A life full of spontaneity and wonder. You are free to slow down and love what you do. You can really appreciate the things that happen in your life. And you just feel calm!

But this is not an easy thing to do. Because we hold on too tight! And we live in fear and anxiety that the things we have will be taken away. Or that we will lose the people we care about. But the thing is… holding on too tight will make us lose them or start to be unhappy with them.

We always look to become something, to succeed in something. We feel we need to succeed. But this need is seldom fulfilled!

I remember once, when I was watching a comedy show and the comedian said something that I thought was profound. He said…

‘’We keep saying children are our future. Do you remember when ‘’you’’, were the future?’’

He meant it as a joke, but the audience was silent for a moment. And then some nervous laughter came. But that awkward pause, gave me chills. Because I realized all of these people had hopes and dreams and most didn’t realize them. Because they held on too tight to whom they thought they were or to what they had. They probably, most of them anyway, lived a comfortable life. But that pause meant they didn’t live the life they wanted.

And that my friends, is why we get depressed and angry all the time. We drink or party too much or we work too much and never see our families. We need to learn to let go and just do what’s in front of us without looking at the end result. Or even hoping that the end result will be good. We just do it! And then life becomes simple, and we are freed to do what we are meant to do.

And that is ‘’to be’’.

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What Will People Say?

What Will People Say?

This is the oldest fear people have. ‘’What would other people say?’’ So, we go way out of our way to ensure people will talk nice about us or perceive us as nice. But why? Why is that?

Because we want to be liked!

That sentence kills so many dreams you wouldn’t believe. When we look for a job or approach someone we are interested in, we secretly, in the back of our minds, have the desire to be liked by them. Even if we don’t like them, we still want them to like us. So, we feel stress and anxiety and everything in between. Because we must have that certainty that we are liked.

But the thing we need to understand is… that even if people don’t like you or say something about you. They will eventually forget or move on because it’s just not that important to them. For you on the other hand will matter tremendously. And you will take that with you and obsess over it for a very long time. Possibly even a lifetime!

But it shouldn’t be this way… If you just understand that people don’t really care and don’t really think about you that much. You will be on their lips for a short period of time, sometimes not even that. And then they will move on, thinking about themselves.

Because that is what we do… we are self-centred. And everything revolves around us or about us. So, there is no space to think about what the other person has done last night. Only maybe if it comes into a conversation and then it passes.

This should be your superpower…

Knowing that nobody really gives a s**t and they will forget about it very easily!

And oddly enough people will like you more when you don’t need their approval. And you will have a better quality of life as a result of it. It’s counterintuitive, and you may even know this in the back of your mind, but keep it hidden.

So, if just let go and understand that people don’t care about what happened. You will be free to make mistakes, learn from them, and no psychological damage will occur. In other words…

You’ll be happy!

 

 

 

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Our Inner Dialog Is Destroying Our Dreams

Our Inner Dialog Is Destroying Our Dreams

We are our worst critics. And our inner world is a storm, instead of a sunny day. We feel anxiety, depression, hurt, loss, and everything in between. And we resort to external means of quieting down those feelings from that huge storm. So, we go out too much, take drugs, or drink too much. Only to quiet the mind. This inner turmoil.

We know there is a way out. But we never truly choose to look inside. We feel like we’re going to explode. This feeling is just pressing down on us. Even when we get a win, like a raise or anything. It’s just there and you can’t shake it. And the more we ignore it… The more it grows. Until it’s too much. And we explode with anger and resentment toward everything and everybody around us.

It’s only when we look inside, that we see what our problems are. Then we can move forwards.

What we say to ourselves has a big impact on our bodies and our decisions. We are who we are now because of our thinking. Most of our thoughts are repeated thoughts. That Is, from tens of thousands of thoughts a day, most are the same as yesterday. And what do we know…

‘’What gets repeated gets installed’’.

So, by not wanting to be fat or ugly or a loser. By focusing on the things we don’t want, we actually get those things… Where attention goes energy flows as they say. In other words, you are what you focus on.

So, if this is true. Why not focus on loving thoughts about ourselves? When we feel like losers, or anything else, why not talk to ourselves in an inspired, loving voice? Where we acknowledge what we have done and move past it, giving ourselves a nice heartfelt pep talk.

It’s so curious, you know, that we only do it to others but never to ourselves. We think they need it more. Or, we do it just to be nice. But when it comes to us, we are quick to reprimand what we did. It comes easily that way!

But if we start treating ourselves with kindness, as you’ll see…

‘’Magical things happen’’.

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Why Searching Outside Of Yourself Is ”Not” The Way

Why Searching Outside Of Yourself Is ''Not'' The Way

We always try to improve ourselves. Always think of ways to make money, get more love or attention, and so on. We feel we are out of control and just can’t really get the thing we want. And it’s frustrating!

So then, we get angry with ourselves saying things like… ‘’I should have made it by now’’ or ‘’Why don’t I meet someone that really loves me and makes me happy’’ etc.

The thing is, we are so used to looking for confirmation from the outside world that we forget we have an inside world as well. It’s fantastic how well we forget this. Even when we know it intellectually.

The thing is it should be the other way around. We should get internal validation first and then external validation. For example…

  • We love ourselves first and then we expect someone else to love us.
  • We feel that we deserve money and then we go and get it.
  • We enjoy our company and then we expect other people to enjoy it as well.

It all starts with us. With how we feel inside!

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What Diet Is The Best And Does It Have To Be One?

What Diet Is The Best And Does It Have To Be One?

I see everywhere these new lifestyle diets…. Vegan, ketogenic, low carb, etc. You follow one then you switch to the other and so on.

But are they sustainable?

The answer is… No!

We are omnivores so we eat plants and meat. That is the best diet for us. The only caveat is that we need to eat more of some things and less of others. To really reap the benefits of the food we eat.

So, you see, I come across many die-hard vegans or ketogenic people who after a few years, they see they can’t live like that anymore. The benefits they saw in the beginning disappeared. And now they are left with aches and pains. And a low quality of life.

They get scared and go and eat plants or meat. Anything their restrictive diet has deprived them of. And they start to feel better. No more migraines and sore muscles. No more bleeding gums and weak teeth. In other words, they start feeling good again.

And then, they go the other way. They start scrutinizing their ex-diet. People should be afraid of doing it and so on. So now they start where they left off. They just found a new thing to talk about. But no real change takes place in their life.

I have been trying most of these diets. And it was always hard. I could never really keep them for more than a few months. And I always thought that I was failing. That I didn’t have the willpower to better my life. But I was wrong! I realized that you could eat anything. You just have to moderate it.

 So, I wanted to build muscle and have my abs show. What I resolved to do was…

Follow a ketogenic diet for 5 days a week and 2 days eat whatever. And it works! I can keep this for as long as I want. And when I go on holiday. I eat whatever I fancy. And I feel ok with it.

If I gain some weight during the holiday. When I go home, I will resume my 5/2 diet. And I won’t push it saying… I will go all out without any cheat days until I reach the weight that I want or had. Because that is a fast train to disaster. I just pick up where I left off. And have a great quality of life while also reaching my goals.

You don’t have to micro-manage your diet in such a way that it becomes a chore. Because if you do you will give up fast and move to the next thing. And that keeps you stuck for a long time. Remember you are not entering Mister Olympia or Miss Universe contest. You just want to look good or feel good and be healthy.

It’s ok to enjoy life! It’s ok to overindulge sometimes! You just have to remember not to be upset when you do. And just resume your wholesome diet when you are done.

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How To Keep Momentum Going In Your Life

How To Keep Momentum Going In Your Life

The hardest thing we humans are called upon to do is… ‘’To Start’’. This has always baffled me. Why is it so hard for me to do things? I have all these great aspirations. But when it’s time to do them, I falter like a sloth.

The desire was always there but I couldn’t do it, so I began to think I was lazy. The years flew by. And no real success came my way. Until I would have enough. And I would start doing the thing that I so desired. And it was wonderful I started to get results. I enjoyed it. There was no laziness in sight 😊.

And then something would happen. Maybe a holiday or I would get the flu and stop. Well, after that I went to my old way of behaving. And couldn’t make myself do the thing that I so desperately wanted to do. Even knowing that I enjoyed doing it.

It all stopped! There was no real progress after that. And it infuriated me.

So, I looked for an answer. Why does this happen to me? It was always in the back of my mind. And Trump saved the day. I have acquired a program that he and his team did on money. I didn’t listen to all of it. Because I thought it wasn’t that good (maybe it was, I don’t know). But right at the beginning, there was a scientist and she explained exactly what was happening to me.

I was over the moon. And this is what she said…

‘’We humans conserve energy. We are very bad at changing direction. So, if you want to work on your business when you come home from work. And you go sit on the couch first and watch something. The odds are you won’t be able to change direction. And won’t go work on your business’’.

I was not the only one in this. It’s a studied human condition…

This blew my mind, and it was the answer I was looking for. I always felt I wasn’t lazy. But I didn’t know how to handle it. And this is the mechanism why when you build momentum. You go further and further. Because it takes less and less energy to do it.

But results didn’t come fast. I have had the answer but still…

I couldn’t apply it!

It was hard to change direction. And when I did, I had momentum. And when I stopped, I stopped for good. Again, no real success. Very frustrating!

I had the answer but applying it was hell. We all search for answers and so many times we don’t know what to do with them when we do get them. And dismiss them. And search for something else. And then years later you have an ‘’aha’’ moment which was the exact same thing as the answer you found earlier. It just took you years to internalize it.

Good salespeople know this very well… if you want someone to buy, you must guide them in such a way, that they think they came up with the idea of buying in the first place. And then the sale’s done in a heartbeat.

So that is what happened to me. Years later I had an ‘’aha’’ moment. I knew I wasn’t to blame for my condition of not starting. So, I got to thinking…

Everybody is saying… ‘’your words have power, so use them carefully’’.

What If I change the word ‘’hard’’. As in <it’s hard to go to work> to <It’s easy to go to work>’’

My mantra became… ‘’It’s easy to do and it’s easy not to do’’.

As in, it’s easy to go to work, and it’s easy not to go to work. Overall, it’s easy!

And my life changed!

I have found the second piece of the puzzle. Something so simple and yet extremely powerful. Absolutely beautiful! I knew I wasn’t lazy and now I found an easy way to get the ball rolling. It ‘’only’’ took me many years to understand, But easy!

And now I always take care of what words I use. And how I talk to myself.

The words that come out of our mouths have a bigger impact than we think. Especially the ones we say to ourselves. So…

When you talk to yourself. Even more so after some mistake, you’ve made. Do not reprimand yourself. Do not say ‘’I’m such an idiot’’ or anything else bad you might say to yourself. I know we can get very creative when we insult ourselves. But just say something kind, like…

‘’I knew this was a mistake. And I still did it! And that’s ok, I still love you! And I know next time I will think twice before doing that again’’.

That mindset will set you free… As simple as it may be!

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Fear Not The Hypocrisy Of The World

‘’Fear Not The Hypocrisy Of The World’’

We are always told that governments have our backs. That they will ‘’take care’’ of us. Even though we don’t believe it, we want to believe it. And from this come all our troubles.

We give politicians the power. And they, as you can imagine use it for their benefit and not ours. Very little change occurs everywhere. But the change that does occur is the change that helps the government become stronger or wealthier.

And if you are to be smart you can benefit from this. You can go with the tide instead of against it. There will always be an opportunity in that (which we think is designed only for the rich). But if you are ‘’smart’’ and by smart, I mean, you just look, you can take advantage as well. And I mean legally!

It’s easy to do it legally! And that is a fact that most people think you can’t do. Oh, these politicians are doing this and that and keeping us poor, and so on. But it’s not like that. While you may be right, you cannot do anything about it. But what if you can change your thinking? What if…

You think, that because of these politicians, you have everything you have. And if it wouldn’t be for them you would live in chaos. People would steal and kill as they would deem right and much more. We live in such a society where we have many rights and opportunities to have a great life if we want to take the time to achieve it. Instead of trying to fight politicians and the government.

We live in a great society. But we choose not to see that. Of course, it could be better. And of course, they are trying to control us. But they only succeed because we let them. Because we focus on the negative, the bad things, etc. But it shouldn’t be like this. If we would just open our minds from hate to gratitude…

We might live a life that is worth living!

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