Using your negative energy ”right”

Using Your Negative Energy ''Right''

I have worked in bars and clubs from the age of 20 – 27yrs old. And I have had my share of mistreatments from my bosses. And in Romania, it can get cruel. I was extremely loyal and wanted to help the business I was working in. I had fun doing my job until times in the bar or club, I was working in, started to be hard and bosses would stop paying me or abusing me verbally.

That is when a lot of negative, angry energy would build up in me. And I wanted to show them that I can be better than them and have more money someday in the future. But I resorted to something else. Which I feel ashamed now, but then it felt like the appropriate thing to do.

I would steal something from the bar. Even if I didn’t need it. Because I had to get control somehow. I still have a little knife from 8-9 years ago. And it just hit me today thinking about that knife. I knew I was doing something wrong, but always tried to reason that I had done the right thing. Because I was treated so badly, when I was a hard honest worker.

So, I released that energy by taking something even if it didn’t have any value. The thing is…

What if, instead of that, I would have used that energy in working on my own thing? The emotions were so powerful that, if I would not have released them with petty stealing, maybe they would have propelled me forward. Possibly beyond my wildest dreams.

So next time when you’re treated like s**t by your boss, or anyone for that matter. Don’t release that tension doing petty stuff, as I did. But hold it and use it, doing your own thing. Use it when times are hard. Because that may just be the fire that you need in those moments to push you forward so that you can succeed.

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‘’Studies Have Shown That It Do Be Like That Sometimes’’

‘’Studies Have Shown That It Do Be Like That Sometimes’’

 

This is a funny quote I’ve seen on Facebook recently. It made me laugh. But it’s true. Sometimes it just is like that. Some days or periods nothing we do works. We do everything perfectly and it doesn’t work. No matter what!

 

Just last night, working Uber. I had a ride where I hit all the potholes in London, almost hit 2 cars, and took the only 2 roads on my route that were blocked. I realized from the beginning that something was off. But nothing I did could help me. So, I got one star.

 

I stopped for a bit after the ride. I was angry for 15 min. And then I accepted the situation. Sometimes it happens and you can’t do anything about it.

My next ride, everything went smoothly. I drove nice and safe and was charming. I got 5 stars and a £5 tip.

 

I didn’t try to do anything different. That’s the paradox. It just happened. So, it’s in this way you see…

 

These things happen to people, and they can’t move past them. They just cling to the emotions of anger or fear and can’t believe this is happening to them. Even if 10 great things happened to them before. They just can’t shake it. And they dwell on these bad feelings for so long that it just becomes part of them. And that is how you start looking negatively at the world.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. Just accept that that bad thing (or things) happened. You can be upset for a while. It’s your right! Just ride the emotions out. And then move forward. And as in my small example you will find success again.

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Do Personal Development Seminars Help us?

Do Personal Development Seminars Help us?

I hear gurus all the time that you need to have a growth mindset. You need to grow to become better. Because only then you will be ‘’happy’’. You need to give to other people and help them otherwise you won’t be ‘’fulfilled’’.

And as I look at so many people that go to these seminars. Whether it’s Tony Robbins or whoever, I find that 99% of them are not better off when they leave. They are jacked up with motivation after leaving the seminars, but no real transformation takes place.

I have been to personal development seminars, so I know first-hand. I met, at one of these things a guy who told me he spent £80,000 on this kind of seminar. And still, he was willing to pay another £20,000 for this next program. Just let that sink in. He truly believed this was the way, that somebody, will give him the Holy Grail. That somehow this next seminar will change his life.

I don’t think it did!

So why is this? Why don’t we succeed after going through these things?

Because we try to grow!

We hang on too tight to this idea… ‘’we need to grow to become better’’. That we lose ourselves in the process. We take up goals that the guru is saying are the best goals. And we try to make them work. The guru may have meant well and some techniques they share may help us for a while. But that is not us. That is not how we work. So, what do we do?…

We stop trying to find the Holy Grail. We stop living in the future, of what we want to be, and just live now. We stop feeling discontent with where we are and look at the things in our life as neither good nor bad. They just are, some are more desirable, and some are not. But they are there so accept them, even love them. Stop trying to transform your life and just take a breather.

Start living. Be content now.

Don’t worry about the future or that something bad will happen. Look at the bad thing only if it’s in the immediate future. And you see you must do something about it. And you will find out that every problem comes with its own solution. You just have to look.

I’ve recently seen a video of a homeless man. He felt trapped in his circumstances. He felt everybody was doing better than him. Because at the end of the day they went ‘’home’’. They had one and he didn’t. And nobody would give him a job either, because of the way he looked.

What he failed to understand is that those people that have a house are exactly like him. They too live in the future and look at what they don’t have. So, what this beautiful man should do is…

Accept his circumstances and live now.

He should stop and just look for a while, without the desire of being somewhere or somebody else, at where he is and what’s going on around him. And look with love. Something good happens when you look at what you don’t like with love. You just separate yourself from it. And then ideas come in.

He might ask himself…

  • Why don’t people give me a job.

Because I look like a bum

  • So how don’t I look like a bum.

I need to find a way to get some ok clothes, smell nice, etc.

When you relax you will always find the answer. It might not be the one you’re seeking, at first, but it will take you to where you want to go.

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Following The Recipe

Following The Recipe

You hear all these gurus giving their formula for success. Some of them honestly believe, it will help people reach their goals like they did theirs. But they forget something. Or rather don’t even consider it, such as…

‘’You are not them’’

They have something that makes that formula work. It’s in them, forged from their life experiences. That is why so many people trying to emulate them fail and give up and then move to another guru. Who they think (at that moment) has the secret to success.

I look at Sir Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, John Paul DeJoria (my favorite), etc. They all have formulas for their success. The only problem is that they’re tailored to them.

I’ve struggled with this for a long time and the result I arrived at is…

I need a starting point. So, I will take the formula that resonates with me and my habits. And then make it my own. I need to make it mine, so I can succeed. Otherwise, I’m just going to be where I am for a long time and never move forward.

But how do I make it my own?

That is one simple question with a complex answer. We need to find that for ourselves. What I resolved to do is…

Try the formula how it is and see the results. Based on the results. I will incorporate my habits and things I like to do. And see where that gets me. Then again, I look at the results and change even further. It’s still a work in progress. But I find it to be the best way so far.

We are thought we should abandon our ‘’bad’’ habits and do what they do. But our bad habits may just be the key to our success. So, look closely at everything you did when you had success. And what was your behaviour at that time. Look at that and incorporate it into the guru’s formula. And you might just surprise yourself!

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The List Of Truths

The List Of Truths

We all fear stress and still, we are in a state of stress all the time. We fear fear and again we are in a state of fear all the time. We are stressed or fearful about this and that. All day long!

So much so that it has become part of our personality. And feel uneasy if we are not in those states, which we perceive as being detrimental to our lives, our work, and our families.

We are so focused on these bad states that we don’t even think or put into perspective what they actually bring us. We know they bring bad things or states, but we just move on. And try to not look too much into it. Because (we think) it will make us even more stressed or fearful or whatever.

But the truth is, we need to look right at them. Stare them in the face and see what actually is going on.

‘’What do those states bring me?’’

So, I have devised a tool for myself. In which I list the emotion and ask what it brings into my life. And it goes something like this…

What does prolonged stress bring into my life? (I have said prolonged because a little bit of stress is good)

  • It shuts off my thinking and makes me stupid
  • It keeps me in fight or flight mode. So, my organs don’t receive the blood they need (because all of it goes to my limbs) and proper nutrients and I get ill
  • If it turns into a shock. It rewires my brain instantly to a negative state

What being shy gives me?

  • Women don’t like me or friendzone me
  • I get used by many people because I can’t say no
  • They perceive me as weird

What does fear bring into my life?

  • It brings me anxiety
  • It makes me uneasy
  • It brings about the event I am fearing

So, by looking at all this. By looking at the concrete things, these states bring me. It shows me accepting to be in them. I am cutting myself short of the very things I want in my life. So, what to do?…

The easiest answer is’’ Stop Being in Them.’’

It might sound stupid. But if you ponder a little bit on it. You might just find the beauty, this simple answer gives you.

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On Suicide And Depression

On Suicide And Depression

 

I work Uber and mostly at night. Last week I was going over Lambeth bridge in London and I saw a lot of police. Immediately I knew what has happened. Someone just committed suicide. There were police boats looking for the body. I wanted to feel sad, but I couldn’t. Because I see doing this as extreme courage on the person’s part. I don’t condone suicide. I used to, but I don’t anymore.

I believe that this is the greatest power that we have. The power to choose whether we live or die. We truly are the masters of our fate. But we have been thought that this is not a power. We have made it something bad. We have criminalized it. In hopes that people wouldn’t do it and to keep them in fear.

We are told that we need to go on living no matter what. But why? Nobody knows! If people love life so badly. Then why are they miserable 95% of the time? I drive Uber so I meet a lot of them. That is a fair percentage.

Now I am not saying I agree with suicide. I think you should not do it. But I also think that you should not see it as something bad. Because when you are depressed, you see only the bad side of things. I know, I was there! And it makes it easy to see it as a f**k you to everybody and everything.

So, it becomes just another bad thing to end it all. But what if instead of that…

We see it as a great power and something that shouldn’t be condemned. Something along the lines of ‘’I am the master of my fate and the captain of my soul’’. And what if we don’t block the urge but accept it and then think…

‘’I can always do this tomorrow’’

Imagine that you can always do it tomorrow. So today go on and look at what needs to be done to steer you out of this negative state. Suicide is always on the table. It’s your power and you can always use it. So why not face your anxious fears? After all, they are nothing compared to death. No matter if you had your heart broken, lost someone, are in great debt, lost precious things, lost your house, or been raped, no matter! They all are insignificant when compared to death.

So just accept them and feel the freedom that accepting death gives you. Why should you feel bad when you can do whatever you desire now? When you no longer care what people think and just do your own thing. Go for it and…

Your life might just change!

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Accessing ”Godlike” Power

Accessing ''Godlike'' Power

I have become to respect Ant Middleton, a former special forces soldier. He’s charismatic on screen and has a great, almost philosophical answer to hard questions. But most people are more interested in how many has he killed and how, than listening to the amazing advice he is sharing.

I just saw an interview with him (video here, min 2:50) talking about what he calls ‘’The Godlike Feeling’’. Where he describes exactly what happens when bullets fly over your head. He goes on to saying that everything slows down and you are in full control of your body, and you feel you can almost control time. In other words, you are fully in the moment, ready and alert in perfect sync.

This is a well-documented fight or flight reaction. Where the brain perceives an immediate and imminent danger. And starts working at an extremely high speed. Every sense is heightened to the max. You see things in slow motion. It feels you have all the time in the world. It’s like being outside of time (think of Flash the superhero). You have time to think and react in milliseconds. Which to you feels like a long time.

I have never been in a gun fight, but I have had that experience…

When I was young, I used to love fireworks. And every New Year’s I would spend it at my Grandparents house with, back then, my best friend Aurel. One New Year’s we had those exploding fireworks. That you light and quickly throw and they explode. We decided it would be fun to hold them for longer and when the flame went out to throw them in the air. And they would explode up there. And it was fun.

But one of them. Blew up immediately in my face. At that point I have experienced the ‘’Godlike feeling’’ Ant is talking about. My brain sped up and I saw in slow motion the shrapnel from the firework flying all around my head. I remember being extremely calm and watching them go by with circles of smoke behind them. It felt it lasted for a long time. But it was less than a second. My brain positioned my head so perfectly that none of the shrapnel hit me. And I was able to have a happy New Year’s.

So how can we access this at will?

Well, the only state I know that resembles this is being in the ‘’Flow’’. When you’re in the flow you are all there. There is no thinking, just doing. You act on your training and use all your senses instantly. You have time to think and see everything clearly.

We need 3 things for this to occur…

  • let go of the result (the result does not matter, you just do your best in that moment)
  • let go of what you have (fame, money or anything that is tied to what you are doing, be willing to lose)
  • and accept whatever happens (accept losing and move forward)

Just focus on the next action. And see whatever happens as history!

Look at Larry Bird in this video . He doesn’t even look to see if the ball goes in the hoop. He just focuses on the next one. He has total detachment.  He misses and doesn’t even flinch. He goes right to the next. It’s all history until the next one. If you can do that. You’re in the flow or ”Godlike state”.

 

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When Enough Is Enough

When Enough Is Enough

I was born one year after the revolution happened in Romania. It was the end of the communist era. Everyone thought it would be better. But shortly after, a big depression came. And people suffered.

I never knew my father and my mother married a guy because he had a flat in the city and not for love. She did what she thought would be good for me and her. The guy didn’t like to work so she worked extremely hard and was very stressed. Overworked and still with a communist mentality.

So, whenever stress would overwhelm her. Everything I did would annoy here and beat the s**t out of me. One time she beat me until 4am because I couldn’t learn a lesson, she wanted me to, for school. This was maybe second grade.

So, I was full of fears. I always ran from a fight. I became extremely shy. I couldn’t talk to girls, etc. And because of this I was bullied extensively up until 11th grade.

When I finished 11th grade, I was fed up with it. Enough was enough! I wanted a girlfriend. But I didn’t know how to act around a girl. So, I said I will search something on the internet. Back then the internet just appeared in Romania and was very slow. I searched and found one book called ‘’Double Your Dating’’ by David Deangelo.

It took me two hours to download the book. I learned English from cartoons. So, I read the book until 4 am and finished it the next day.

When you ask, and you’re ready the universe provides (this has happened to me many times in my life so far).

This was not a book about pickup lines or any of the sort. But this genius guy understood that there are so many people that can’t talk to girls because they’ve put them on a pedestal so high that they can’t even approach. Which made them be very shy. And he went on to explain that girls are just people, don’t like that pedestal thing and want to be treated like a human being.

Mind blown! I have never looked at it that way. So got out of my comfort zone. I changed my clothes (started to look at fashion). I would practice talking to any girl I could. And when 12th grade started. I went into the classroom and the girls in my class didn’t even recognize me.

I was dressed different; I could speak to them and be very funny and I had a crazy haircut with tribal signs. At the end of the first day one of the girls walked me home. She was in awe and tried to figure out why? How the radical change. I could see the fumes coming out of here ears. She couldn’t believe it. And I just enjoyed it.

From that point on I did not only have a girlfriend, but I would constantly be dating two girls at a time (I tried 3 but it was too time consuming 😊). I remember one time I called a girl after 3 months of getting her phone number. And she answered with ‘’I thought you would never call’’

There was no mistake, I wanted to be good at this. So, I experimented. I tried a lot of things. Saw what worked and what didn’t. And evolved into someone you would date, invite to parties, and have a good time with.

Moral of the story is…

When enough is enough you let go of fears and anxieties and just do. You act and accept the worst-case scenario. And that thing you feared, you will experience it. It will happen. I have been turned down buy a lot of girls. But it didn’t matter anymore. Because I was becoming somebody else. A better version of myself.

And I loved it!

 

 

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On Trying To Be Good

On Trying To Be Good

In a nutshell trying to be good will only do one thing…

Make you be bad! So why is that…

Because no one can be truly good, truly pure. We are not built that way. And we know this inside, but we choose not to acknowledge it. Because that is what we are thought by the church, by our fathers and mothers…

‘’You must be good, or God will punish you’’

This statement has resounded in my head for a long time. And whenever I did something ‘’wrong’’. I expected to be punished, even though I didn’t want it.

So, I got the punishment. It happened like clockwork (what you expect and focus on you get). And that made me want to be even more a good person. And the cycle repeats and takes you down the rabbit hole farther and farther.

You will always be good and bad. You cannot have one without the other. Like you cannot have a coin without two faces or black without white. They come together. They are inseparable.

It’s true some people err toward one side or the other. And that is what we call good and bad people. But they are never intrinsically bad or good. Maybe that’s why we love Game of Thrones. Because you can relate to the villains as much as the heroes. Each one of them show they can be good and bad and err more toward one side in the end.

So, you need to stop stressing about trying to be good. About doing God’s will. And just accept it. Embrace your dark side and love it. Because it’s there to serve you in difficult situations. Read that again…

‘’It is there to serve you’’.

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Do We Really Love God

Do We Really Love God

I used to be a very consistent church goer when I was younger. I credit this to my grandma, who kinda pushed me in that direction. So I went every Sunday. But it went terribly wrong…

I went there because I thought I should. All good people go to church don’t they. You have to repent for all your sins and be extremely good. Because that’s what God wants, doesn’t He. Or otherwise in his all mighty goodness will smite you. And you won’t go to heaven. 

Every Sunday I heard that. If it was not said, it was implied, we are all sinners and need to repent. So I believed it. I tried so hard to be a good christian and a good person. I had to let go of all my ”bad urges” and only be good.

Well I did  that for a couple of years until something happened. By consistently trying to be good. My brain had enough and started cursing God and all that is holly quite strongly in my mind. At first I freaked out. I said ”this couldn’t be, why is this happening to me”. Until one night I cried my eyes out. Balling uncontrollably. But here is the kicker. I wasn’t doing it because I loved God. But because I was afraid God will smite me. 

And that in a nutshell is what every good church goer is feeling. They can say as much as they want they are going to church because of love for God. But that’s not true, is it. And they try and try to love Him and if they’re honest with themselves they can’t.

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