On Being A Real Man

On Being A Real Man

We are surrounded by feminists, equal rights movements, toxic masculinity, and so on. Men don’t know their place anymore. I hear this idea of raising children not knowing their sex so they will identify with what they want. I mean talk about a stupid idea. And I’m not even being mean.

Women say they want a ‘’real man’’. But they started raising pu****s. If you ask a woman what a real man is. They can’t put it into words. All they can muster up is… A man that loves me, takes good care of me, is gentle and kind, and provides for our family. They believe that is what they want. They truly believe that. And I don’t condone it. But here is the kicker…

They don’t go for that type of man when they are young. They go for the bad boy, because he’s exciting. And when they’re about to turn 30 they want security. The bad boy still excites them but this other guy that can take care of a family makes more logical sense to marry.

Driving Uber, I hear this kind of story between friends reaching 30…

-That guy at the party was so hot

 -Yeah, I know he’s young but so attractive

 -How’s it going with you and the guy your seeing

-It’s going well, I think I love him, and were probably going to get married

 -You think you love him?

-Yeah, I mean he works, he’s dependable, and he’s everything I want in a relationship.

-I think it’s going to be ok

Well, it won’t be!

On the other side. The men’s side. I hear a completely different story. How their wives have turned on them, especially after children. No sex, no empathy, they expected them to provide and just do what they say and cater to their every whim or emotion on the basis of ‘’happy wife, happy life’’. That phrase makes me so angry!

I once had four men in the car, two were divorced, one was on the brink of divorce, and one was so deprived of sex he was finding any women he was looking at sexy. All of them have married women that thought like the one in the conversation above.

Women that truly believed, not felt, but truly believed that it’s going to be ok anyway. But obviously, it’s not. Because when a woman doesn’t like you and you try to touch her romantically. She gets so creeped out by it that her hair stands on end and shivers of repulsion go down her spine. No wonder she can’t touch you anymore. This very thing is why women get so emotionally damaged after rape.

Asking women what they want in a man won’t help. Because they can’t explain it verbally. They feel it!

So, what is a real man?…

A real man is a ‘’dangerous man that can control himself’’, in the words of Jordan Peterson. And he is absolutely right. Because dangerous means exciting. It’s beauty and the beast. She wants to be the one who can tame him.

But that’s just part of the equation. The other part is…

No matter how much you love her, you are willing to walk away if she doesn’t meet your standards anymore, and you have the ability to attract another woman immediately.

This is a type of a man that is free. Has choices, and not just in choosing women, but in choosing if he wants to provide for his family. Do you understand what I’m saying…

‘’He chooses to provide for his family’’

In other words, he does not do it because of a sense of duty. He does it because he wants to do it. Because he gets what he needs out of it.

But this, sadly is looked at as toxic masculinity and frowned upon nowadays. And no wonder men are so mixt up. And if you are not the kind of man I am describing above, it’s ok. You can become one. It won’t be easy. But it’s going to be worth it.

I am proof it can be done. I am not fully there yet but that is the direction I am heading. Because once you learn this and most importantly you feel it. You can never go back. And your life will get so much better. And the woman who will be with you, will be happy as well. Because she gets what she truly needs and wants from a man.

 

 

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Trying To Succeed

Trying To Succeed

Since I was a child, I knew I wanted to be rich when I grew up. And the reason was, that I liked sweets. And we didn’t have a lot of money, so my mother seldom bought us some. So, I always had this thought in the back of my mind. Fast forward to my teens I started reading books and trying to apply the principles thought in them. They were sound and gave me hope that if I just applied them, I would succeed.

But it didn’t work!

I would start applying the principles and then after a week or so I would just not see results and move to another thing. They maybe would have helped me, but I couldn’t stay focused on doing them for more than a couple of weeks.

And so, I thought I wasn’t applying them right and I tried and tried. But the same result, absolute failure!

When I started work. I did the same thing. I put money into things that will help me. But eventually, I would give up and come back to my day job. It was brutal. It brought me to the brink of depression. I started believing that I must focus only on building a business.

And if I was happy where I was, I would never get there. So, I went on.

I would think of a new idea and hold it in my head for a long time. I would learn as much as I could about it. And then start to build the business and in a short while after starting, fail and stop.

I have worked on one business for 5 years only to get out some of the money that I put in. I have worked like crazy. And nothing. No success.

I am 34 now and still do not have a successful business. And this is a long time since I started to think about it when I was maybe 5 yrs. old. I mean my God, the horror!

I was going fast nowhere. And I knew it! But I would just stay in the same pattern. I couldn’t appreciate the things in my life, because if I did. That would mean I was happy where I was, and I won’t be able to move forward in making a lot of money. I figured, I would be happy then.

Well, I was wrong!

In 2020 during covid, I have taken most of the year off from working. And just looked at what or why was I not going where I wanted to go. Why everything was not going according to plan. And I realized many things about myself. The first thing I did, which was not easy to do. Was… slow down and look at me. At nothing else but me. I was trying to build another business but that was, second place now.

So, looking at myself I have found something. And that is…

I am not like everybody else, yet I am the same!

I looked at my ‘’worst habits’’. The ones that I thought I had to get rid of. And I looked at them with love. This is me, and by just doing them over and over I must like them. So why get rid of them? Why not build with them? So, I did…

  • I thought I was lazy because I always quit when it got hard. So, everything I do now needs to feel easy in my mind. The word hard is ‘’banished’’. I don’t even pronounce it.
  • I like watching movies or tv, but because I can binge a whole series in a matter of days. I stopped watching them or was ashamed when I broke the rule. So, I decided not to be ashamed and just enjoy the series. If I wanted to see one. I did! And now I can watch one and be able to go back to work even more productively.
  • I used to daydream a lot. And always felt that it stopped me from taking action. Now I have given myself permission to daydream as much as I want if my work won’t be affected. The result… I rarely daydream and am more present in what I do.
  • If I did something like going to the gym for a month and then not going for a week. I would feel I broke my goal and not go anymore. So now I just look at those days off as a present for being good. And I start going to the gym again. And I see results etc.

I went from £5000 in my account at the end of 2020 to £50,000 at the end of 2021 after vacations, time off, and living expenses. And I grew from there. I am not where I want to be yet. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I love my life more. I love myself more, because I know I am not broken. I love my ‘’bad’’ habits. Because they helped me have an edge.

So just love yourself and all your habits. Don’t push them away and just build on them or with them. And you may just surprise yourself.

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I’ll Do It Tomorrow

I’ll Do It Tomorrow

This is the procrastinator’s preferred phrase. It’s used because we truly believe that we will do the thing we need to do tomorrow. Such as…

‘’I’ll do it tomorrow because there’s still time’’

So, I got to thinking about this. Started experimenting with it. And turned it into a technique I am currently using. It’s called the ‘’I’ll do it tomorrow technique’’. And it works like this…

If I feel very sad or low at some point during the day or just plain hate somebody for something they did. And I don’t want to feel like that. I stop and look at what I’m feeling and say ‘’I’ll feel like this tomorrow and then some. But now, I’ll just carry on’’

And what I’ve found was. I start feeling better. Because I acknowledge the feelings. I don’t block them. But just differ them in the future i.e., tomorrow. And as any good procrastinator knows…

Tomorrow never comes!

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The Myth Of Not Having Enough Time

The Myth Of Not Having Enough Time

We are bamboozled by all these gurus saying that we must hurry to do something, to get success. Because we have such a short time on this earth. So, we listen and we do. We live in anxiety all the time because we feel there is ‘’no time’’. It’s so short that we have to do something. And when we need to rest, we feel bad because ‘’we waste time’’.

All this does is create anxiety. And this anxiety keeps us in fight or flight mode. And guess what?…

We become stupider in the process. Because when we’re stressed our prefrontal cortex starts to shut down. We lose IQ! So now we hurry and do more dumb s**t than is necessary. I mean my God, if you just look at your life. Most of the meaningful things you had or done were done with no haste. You took your time!

We have enough time. It doesn’t matter how long or how short. We have enough!

Once you get that and don’t hurry. You might just find what you are looking for.

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‘’Why Do Cancer Patients Start Doing S**t’’

‘’Why Do Cancer Patients Start Doing S**t’’

I have recently started a crowdfund to help my niece because she has cancer and her parents have run out of money for her treatments. And I thought what better way, than to go on Ted talks of cancer survivors. And post a comment there and maybe someone would donate (boy was I wrong!).

But I saw something. These cancer survivors went over their fears in public, even if it hurt They became stronger mentally and would not give up easily. They have broken their psychological resistance. And were operating with less fear.

It got to the point where one speaker said that everybody was waiting for her to do something amazing. To do her part. This blew me away!

Why do we expect them to succeed now they have survived cancer?

  • They are the same people.
  • They did not become someone else.
  • They are no smarter than before

We know the answer, but we are too afraid to use it. We intuitively know that, if we do use it. We would have some sort of success. But it would mean putting ourselves out there, like the cancer survivors. Everybody to see our flaws and still move forward. That is not a pleasant place. It’s out of our comfort zone.

So, we know it is possible, but we don’t act. This is the truth. We hold on too tightly to what we have. That we never move ahead. Even if we say that is the direction we are taking. It’s not!

This is a beautiful paradox that keeps us tied in our little cocoons. And we just spend our lives, only having what we want, in our imagination.

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Using your negative energy ”right”

Using Your Negative Energy ''Right''

I have worked in bars and clubs from the age of 20 – 27yrs old. And I have had my share of mistreatments from my bosses. And in Romania, it can get cruel. I was extremely loyal and wanted to help the business I was working in. I had fun doing my job until times in the bar or club, I was working in, started to be hard and bosses would stop paying me or abusing me verbally.

That is when a lot of negative, angry energy would build up in me. And I wanted to show them that I can be better than them and have more money someday in the future. But I resorted to something else. Which I feel ashamed now, but then it felt like the appropriate thing to do.

I would steal something from the bar. Even if I didn’t need it. Because I had to get control somehow. I still have a little knife from 8-9 years ago. And it just hit me today thinking about that knife. I knew I was doing something wrong, but always tried to reason that I had done the right thing. Because I was treated so badly, when I was a hard honest worker.

So, I released that energy by taking something even if it didn’t have any value. The thing is…

What if, instead of that, I would have used that energy in working on my own thing? The emotions were so powerful that, if I would not have released them with petty stealing, maybe they would have propelled me forward. Possibly beyond my wildest dreams.

So next time when you’re treated like s**t by your boss, or anyone for that matter. Don’t release that tension doing petty stuff, as I did. But hold it and use it, doing your own thing. Use it when times are hard. Because that may just be the fire that you need in those moments to push you forward so that you can succeed.

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‘’Studies Have Shown That It Do Be Like That Sometimes’’

‘’Studies Have Shown That It Do Be Like That Sometimes’’

 

This is a funny quote I’ve seen on Facebook recently. It made me laugh. But it’s true. Sometimes it just is like that. Some days or periods nothing we do works. We do everything perfectly and it doesn’t work. No matter what!

 

Just last night, working Uber. I had a ride where I hit all the potholes in London, almost hit 2 cars, and took the only 2 roads on my route that were blocked. I realized from the beginning that something was off. But nothing I did could help me. So, I got one star.

 

I stopped for a bit after the ride. I was angry for 15 min. And then I accepted the situation. Sometimes it happens and you can’t do anything about it.

My next ride, everything went smoothly. I drove nice and safe and was charming. I got 5 stars and a £5 tip.

 

I didn’t try to do anything different. That’s the paradox. It just happened. So, it’s in this way you see…

 

These things happen to people, and they can’t move past them. They just cling to the emotions of anger or fear and can’t believe this is happening to them. Even if 10 great things happened to them before. They just can’t shake it. And they dwell on these bad feelings for so long that it just becomes part of them. And that is how you start looking negatively at the world.

But it doesn’t have to be like that. Just accept that that bad thing (or things) happened. You can be upset for a while. It’s your right! Just ride the emotions out. And then move forward. And as in my small example you will find success again.

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Do Personal Development Seminars Help us?

Do Personal Development Seminars Help us?

I hear gurus all the time that you need to have a growth mindset. You need to grow to become better. Because only then you will be ‘’happy’’. You need to give to other people and help them otherwise you won’t be ‘’fulfilled’’.

And as I look at so many people that go to these seminars. Whether it’s Tony Robbins or whoever, I find that 99% of them are not better off when they leave. They are jacked up with motivation after leaving the seminars, but no real transformation takes place.

I have been to personal development seminars, so I know first-hand. I met, at one of these things a guy who told me he spent £80,000 on this kind of seminar. And still, he was willing to pay another £20,000 for this next program. Just let that sink in. He truly believed this was the way, that somebody, will give him the Holy Grail. That somehow this next seminar will change his life.

I don’t think it did!

So why is this? Why don’t we succeed after going through these things?

Because we try to grow!

We hang on too tight to this idea… ‘’we need to grow to become better’’. That we lose ourselves in the process. We take up goals that the guru is saying are the best goals. And we try to make them work. The guru may have meant well and some techniques they share may help us for a while. But that is not us. That is not how we work. So, what do we do?…

We stop trying to find the Holy Grail. We stop living in the future, of what we want to be, and just live now. We stop feeling discontent with where we are and look at the things in our life as neither good nor bad. They just are, some are more desirable, and some are not. But they are there so accept them, even love them. Stop trying to transform your life and just take a breather.

Start living. Be content now.

Don’t worry about the future or that something bad will happen. Look at the bad thing only if it’s in the immediate future. And you see you must do something about it. And you will find out that every problem comes with its own solution. You just have to look.

I’ve recently seen a video of a homeless man. He felt trapped in his circumstances. He felt everybody was doing better than him. Because at the end of the day they went ‘’home’’. They had one and he didn’t. And nobody would give him a job either, because of the way he looked.

What he failed to understand is that those people that have a house are exactly like him. They too live in the future and look at what they don’t have. So, what this beautiful man should do is…

Accept his circumstances and live now.

He should stop and just look for a while, without the desire of being somewhere or somebody else, at where he is and what’s going on around him. And look with love. Something good happens when you look at what you don’t like with love. You just separate yourself from it. And then ideas come in.

He might ask himself…

  • Why don’t people give me a job.

Because I look like a bum

  • So how don’t I look like a bum.

I need to find a way to get some ok clothes, smell nice, etc.

When you relax you will always find the answer. It might not be the one you’re seeking, at first, but it will take you to where you want to go.

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Following The Recipe

Following The Recipe

You hear all these gurus giving their formula for success. Some of them honestly believe, it will help people reach their goals like they did theirs. But they forget something. Or rather don’t even consider it, such as…

‘’You are not them’’

They have something that makes that formula work. It’s in them, forged from their life experiences. That is why so many people trying to emulate them fail and give up and then move to another guru. Who they think (at that moment) has the secret to success.

I look at Sir Richard Branson, Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, John Paul DeJoria (my favorite), etc. They all have formulas for their success. The only problem is that they’re tailored to them.

I’ve struggled with this for a long time and the result I arrived at is…

I need a starting point. So, I will take the formula that resonates with me and my habits. And then make it my own. I need to make it mine, so I can succeed. Otherwise, I’m just going to be where I am for a long time and never move forward.

But how do I make it my own?

That is one simple question with a complex answer. We need to find that for ourselves. What I resolved to do is…

Try the formula how it is and see the results. Based on the results. I will incorporate my habits and things I like to do. And see where that gets me. Then again, I look at the results and change even further. It’s still a work in progress. But I find it to be the best way so far.

We are thought we should abandon our ‘’bad’’ habits and do what they do. But our bad habits may just be the key to our success. So, look closely at everything you did when you had success. And what was your behaviour at that time. Look at that and incorporate it into the guru’s formula. And you might just surprise yourself!

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The List Of Truths

The List Of Truths

We all fear stress and still, we are in a state of stress all the time. We fear fear and again we are in a state of fear all the time. We are stressed or fearful about this and that. All day long!

So much so that it has become part of our personality. And feel uneasy if we are not in those states, which we perceive as being detrimental to our lives, our work, and our families.

We are so focused on these bad states that we don’t even think or put into perspective what they actually bring us. We know they bring bad things or states, but we just move on. And try to not look too much into it. Because (we think) it will make us even more stressed or fearful or whatever.

But the truth is, we need to look right at them. Stare them in the face and see what actually is going on.

‘’What do those states bring me?’’

So, I have devised a tool for myself. In which I list the emotion and ask what it brings into my life. And it goes something like this…

What does prolonged stress bring into my life? (I have said prolonged because a little bit of stress is good)

  • It shuts off my thinking and makes me stupid
  • It keeps me in fight or flight mode. So, my organs don’t receive the blood they need (because all of it goes to my limbs) and proper nutrients and I get ill
  • If it turns into a shock. It rewires my brain instantly to a negative state

What being shy gives me?

  • Women don’t like me or friendzone me
  • I get used by many people because I can’t say no
  • They perceive me as weird

What does fear bring into my life?

  • It brings me anxiety
  • It makes me uneasy
  • It brings about the event I am fearing

So, by looking at all this. By looking at the concrete things, these states bring me. It shows me accepting to be in them. I am cutting myself short of the very things I want in my life. So, what to do?…

The easiest answer is’’ Stop Being in Them.’’

It might sound stupid. But if you ponder a little bit on it. You might just find the beauty, this simple answer gives you.

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