Trying To Succeed
Since I was a child, I knew I wanted to be rich when I grew up. And the reason was, that I liked sweets. And we didn’t have a lot of money, so my mother seldom bought us some. So, I always had this thought in the back of my mind. Fast forward to my teens I started reading books and trying to apply the principles thought in them. They were sound and gave me hope that if I just applied them, I would succeed.
But it didn’t work!
I would start applying the principles and then after a week or so I would just not see results and move to another thing. They maybe would have helped me, but I couldn’t stay focused on doing them for more than a couple of weeks.
And so, I thought I wasn’t applying them right and I tried and tried. But the same result, absolute failure!
When I started work. I did the same thing. I put money into things that will help me. But eventually, I would give up and come back to my day job. It was brutal. It brought me to the brink of depression. I started believing that I must focus only on building a business.
And if I was happy where I was, I would never get there. So, I went on.
I would think of a new idea and hold it in my head for a long time. I would learn as much as I could about it. And then start to build the business and in a short while after starting, fail and stop.
I have worked on one business for 5 years only to get out some of the money that I put in. I have worked like crazy. And nothing. No success.
I am 34 now and still do not have a successful business. And this is a long time since I started to think about it when I was maybe 5 yrs. old. I mean my God, the horror!
I was going fast nowhere. And I knew it! But I would just stay in the same pattern. I couldn’t appreciate the things in my life, because if I did. That would mean I was happy where I was, and I won’t be able to move forward in making a lot of money. I figured, I would be happy then.
Well, I was wrong!
In 2020 during covid, I have taken most of the year off from working. And just looked at what or why was I not going where I wanted to go. Why everything was not going according to plan. And I realized many things about myself. The first thing I did, which was not easy to do. Was… slow down and look at me. At nothing else but me. I was trying to build another business but that was, second place now.
So, looking at myself I have found something. And that is…
I am not like everybody else, yet I am the same!
I looked at my ‘’worst habits’’. The ones that I thought I had to get rid of. And I looked at them with love. This is me, and by just doing them over and over I must like them. So why get rid of them? Why not build with them? So, I did…
- I thought I was lazy because I always quit when it got hard. So, everything I do now needs to feel easy in my mind. The word hard is ‘’banished’’. I don’t even pronounce it.
- I like watching movies or tv, but because I can binge a whole series in a matter of days. I stopped watching them or was ashamed when I broke the rule. So, I decided not to be ashamed and just enjoy the series. If I wanted to see one. I did! And now I can watch one and be able to go back to work even more productively.
- I used to daydream a lot. And always felt that it stopped me from taking action. Now I have given myself permission to daydream as much as I want if my work won’t be affected. The result… I rarely daydream and am more present in what I do.
- If I did something like going to the gym for a month and then not going for a week. I would feel I broke my goal and not go anymore. So now I just look at those days off as a present for being good. And I start going to the gym again. And I see results etc.
I went from £5000 in my account at the end of 2020 to £50,000 at the end of 2021 after vacations, time off, and living expenses. And I grew from there. I am not where I want to be yet. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I love my life more. I love myself more, because I know I am not broken. I love my ‘’bad’’ habits. Because they helped me have an edge.
So just love yourself and all your habits. Don’t push them away and just build on them or with them. And you may just surprise yourself.