How To Keep Momentum Going In Your Life

How To Keep Momentum Going In Your Life

The hardest thing we humans are called upon to do is… ‘’To Start’’. This has always baffled me. Why is it so hard for me to do things? I have all these great aspirations. But when it’s time to do them, I falter like a sloth.

The desire was always there but I couldn’t do it, so I began to think I was lazy. The years flew by. And no real success came my way. Until I would have enough. And I would start doing the thing that I so desired. And it was wonderful I started to get results. I enjoyed it. There was no laziness in sight 😊.

And then something would happen. Maybe a holiday or I would get the flu and stop. Well, after that I went to my old way of behaving. And couldn’t make myself do the thing that I so desperately wanted to do. Even knowing that I enjoyed doing it.

It all stopped! There was no real progress after that. And it infuriated me.

So, I looked for an answer. Why does this happen to me? It was always in the back of my mind. And Trump saved the day. I have acquired a program that he and his team did on money. I didn’t listen to all of it. Because I thought it wasn’t that good (maybe it was, I don’t know). But right at the beginning, there was a scientist and she explained exactly what was happening to me.

I was over the moon. And this is what she said…

‘’We humans conserve energy. We are very bad at changing direction. So, if you want to work on your business when you come home from work. And you go sit on the couch first and watch something. The odds are you won’t be able to change direction. And won’t go work on your business’’.

I was not the only one in this. It’s a studied human condition…

This blew my mind, and it was the answer I was looking for. I always felt I wasn’t lazy. But I didn’t know how to handle it. And this is the mechanism why when you build momentum. You go further and further. Because it takes less and less energy to do it.

But results didn’t come fast. I have had the answer but still…

I couldn’t apply it!

It was hard to change direction. And when I did, I had momentum. And when I stopped, I stopped for good. Again, no real success. Very frustrating!

I had the answer but applying it was hell. We all search for answers and so many times we don’t know what to do with them when we do get them. And dismiss them. And search for something else. And then years later you have an ‘’aha’’ moment which was the exact same thing as the answer you found earlier. It just took you years to internalize it.

Good salespeople know this very well… if you want someone to buy, you must guide them in such a way, that they think they came up with the idea of buying in the first place. And then the sale’s done in a heartbeat.

So that is what happened to me. Years later I had an ‘’aha’’ moment. I knew I wasn’t to blame for my condition of not starting. So, I got to thinking…

Everybody is saying… ‘’your words have power, so use them carefully’’.

What If I change the word ‘’hard’’. As in <it’s hard to go to work> to <It’s easy to go to work>’’

My mantra became… ‘’It’s easy to do and it’s easy not to do’’.

As in, it’s easy to go to work, and it’s easy not to go to work. Overall, it’s easy!

And my life changed!

I have found the second piece of the puzzle. Something so simple and yet extremely powerful. Absolutely beautiful! I knew I wasn’t lazy and now I found an easy way to get the ball rolling. It ‘’only’’ took me many years to understand, But easy!

And now I always take care of what words I use. And how I talk to myself.

The words that come out of our mouths have a bigger impact than we think. Especially the ones we say to ourselves. So…

When you talk to yourself. Even more so after some mistake, you’ve made. Do not reprimand yourself. Do not say ‘’I’m such an idiot’’ or anything else bad you might say to yourself. I know we can get very creative when we insult ourselves. But just say something kind, like…

‘’I knew this was a mistake. And I still did it! And that’s ok, I still love you! And I know next time I will think twice before doing that again’’.

That mindset will set you free… As simple as it may be!

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Fear Not The Hypocrisy Of The World

‘’Fear Not The Hypocrisy Of The World’’

We are always told that governments have our backs. That they will ‘’take care’’ of us. Even though we don’t believe it, we want to believe it. And from this come all our troubles.

We give politicians the power. And they, as you can imagine use it for their benefit and not ours. Very little change occurs everywhere. But the change that does occur is the change that helps the government become stronger or wealthier.

And if you are to be smart you can benefit from this. You can go with the tide instead of against it. There will always be an opportunity in that (which we think is designed only for the rich). But if you are ‘’smart’’ and by smart, I mean, you just look, you can take advantage as well. And I mean legally!

It’s easy to do it legally! And that is a fact that most people think you can’t do. Oh, these politicians are doing this and that and keeping us poor, and so on. But it’s not like that. While you may be right, you cannot do anything about it. But what if you can change your thinking? What if…

You think, that because of these politicians, you have everything you have. And if it wouldn’t be for them you would live in chaos. People would steal and kill as they would deem right and much more. We live in such a society where we have many rights and opportunities to have a great life if we want to take the time to achieve it. Instead of trying to fight politicians and the government.

We live in a great society. But we choose not to see that. Of course, it could be better. And of course, they are trying to control us. But they only succeed because we let them. Because we focus on the negative, the bad things, etc. But it shouldn’t be like this. If we would just open our minds from hate to gratitude…

We might live a life that is worth living!

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Am I Living In My Box Or Someone Else’s?

Am I Living In My Box Or Someone Else's?

Take a moment and think about infinity. Just ponder about it for a bit. And you will find out, you can’t. You can’t comprehend infinity. Because you always reach a point in your mind where you hit a wall. And when you go past it, your mind will go and hit another, and another. It stretches our minds so hard that we become dizzy if we stay with it long enough.

But why? Why is this?

We don’t know is the most common answer. And then people go about their day. It’s just too hard to think about. So, we put it aside completely. But my take on it is this…

We are brought up to think that way! To think in a box! We have certain boundaries that we must respect and never cross. Because that is what is acceptable of us in society. And I can understand that. Most of it is good. It keeps us safe and moving forward. But it doesn’t just stop there…

The box contains fears as well as hold-ups that hinder our lives and keeps us in stress and unhappiness. And that leads to control. Over the ages, people have been most successfully ruled by fear. They were kept in fear from the day they were born and were thought, at the same time, to do anything to live and fear death. Because in that way they could be manipulated. I mean, just think about religion!

A person that doesn’t fear death. Is a dangerous person. One that can instil change, if it’s not stopped. So, you can’t have that! And it’s in this way you see that we live in our little boxes and never push through. We get so many fears, and we hang on so much to what we have that we get paralyzed and worried and stressed. When we encounter even a small change in our environment. We resist it so much. It’s just unbearable for a while.

Most people live like this and never even wonder why. It’s normal for them. And they are so captivated by their box that nothing can get through to them. But there are some that have broken through this illusion. And see life in a different light.

Now I am not saying that is a very bad thing to live in your box. And that you should be outside of it all the time. But what I think is best and ponder about a lot lately is, maybe ‘’you should live on both planes at the same time’’. In other words…

You should obey society’s laws and rules that come with that. But at the same time have no fear of death. Because once you accept death. It feels wonderful. You have such freedom in you. You don’t know what to do with it at first. Time slows down, and you take care of things and people better. You are more present. And don’t feel a rush of stress upon waking in the morning or during the day as most people do. You realize you have time.

After all, the biggest lie we are fed right now is ‘’you don’t have enough time’’…

  • You must rush and get things done.
  • You must work and work and sleep less.
  • And be a model member of society and this and that.

No! Relax… Work hard but play hard as well. Take time off. Slow down a bit. This is what people living on islands do. There’s not much to do there. And they are happy. Their way of life goes at a very slow pace. And they enjoy it.

One of the constructs of the box we are kept in is ‘’control’’. This has always been and always will be. But when you accept death, or your fear of death is gone. You cannot be controlled anymore. I have recently seen a documentary about a doctor who has found a cure for cancer. His name is Stanislaw Burzynski and lives in Houston Texas. And he fought the FDA for 40 years and almost was put in prison for life because of his discovery. But his passion was bigger than his fear of death. And he prevailed. And he may bring an end to cancer. Who knows?

All fear is eventually fear of death. And when you can move past that…

You cannot be controlled anymore.

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On Childhood Trauma

On Childhood Trauma

We see around us people that are shut off. They have their hands crossed and backs arched and have a hard time looking people in the eye. And we don’t like them. We think they’re weird and not fun to be around. But they are normal, only they can’t express themselves very well. They find difficult what most people find easy and effortless.

Most of them had traumas in their life they couldn’t deal with, so they shut off from the world. Their life was turned upside down. And usually, happens when they are young. They don’t know how to ask for help, even if they desperately need it. They are bullied and laughed at.

They find life a living hell. They wonder and always ask… Why me? Why am I not like the rest of them? Why has this happened to me? Why can’t I move past it?

Their inner world is a tornado that you just can’t see from the outside. They look with envy at how well others can communicate and get along. How easy it is for them to talk to other people or make eye contact. And they just retrieve in their own small world. And imagine being the heroes of their own story.

Growing up, my mum was always stressed because we didn’t have enough money. She was working very hard. She beat the s**t out of me when I’ve made a mistake. And my stepdad, once my brother was born, threw me aside. And didn’t show me any love anymore. So maybe I felt I didn’t deserve love. I don’t know!

Needless to say, I didn’t do well in school. I would blush and couldn’t make eye contact with any girl. Everybody thought I was weird. But I just didn’t know how to get out of that state. I would see my colleagues have fun. But I couldn’t do what they did. I would just go home and before bed imagine I was a hero… I had the girl, I had the body and I had the skills.

I just wanted love, but I didn’t know how to get it. So, I muscled along the grades.

But this is not a pity story, I am trying to paint here. I acknowledge this is a hard predicament for someone to be in. But if you show these people pity. You will only do them harm. Because in their quest for love, for being liked. They will take pity! It will feel like acceptance to them. And they will remain stuck. I know I did that, I would take anything. Just to feel included. But that is the wrong way of thinking. And very dangerous. It keeps you stuck for a long time.

So, if you want to help. You have to take them out of their shell at a very slow pace. And have a lot of patience. But if you don’t see anything special in them. You just don’t take the time to do that because it’s too much work and you get mostly nothing out of it. So, they, like myself, are left to their own.

And they will go on like that until their desire to have a girlfriend, a boyfriend, or a ‘’normal’’ life is greater than the bubble they’re in. And then, magic happens. They don’t just go for it. Once they are committed, they go all in. There is nothing to lose and everything to gain.

That is what I did. One year before finishing high school I had enough. I wanted a girlfriend. I wanted my life to change. So, I burst out of my bubble and went all in. In a very short time, I was a new man. I had several girlfriends and people wanted me around. Because I became fun!

When we are in this stuck state, we don’t see a way out. And we are mostly just looking with envy at the people that ‘’have it so easy’’. And in some weird and twisted way, feel, that we are special. And ‘’they’’ are just idiots or bullies or something like that. And we just know what’s best. And we only see the world as bad or as turning its back on us.

You see, for a person living with some sort of trauma everything is about them. They don’t get me! It’s them against me, the idiots! But the thing is, it’s not. We’ve gotten so used to living in that state. That we think, that is just how things are. And because of all our pain, we feel entitled and right. We just can’t express it!

And this keeps us stuck for a long time because it gives us a sense of control. In an otherwise loser behaviour. But the thing is… there is, a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

We just have to go and get it!

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From The Peak Of The mountain To The Floor Of The Ocean In One Second

''From The Peak Of The mountain To The Floor Of The Ocean In One Second''

We can go from being on top of the mountain and feeling great to the depths of the ocean and feeling like s**t in a split second. We can have 10 wins in a row. But when one small loss comes along. We get into despair. All the good things before it, are erased. And we just focus on that small loss. It becomes everything, and it consumes us.

But why is that? Why do we so obsess like this?

Because we are thought from a young age to not make mistakes. To do everything in our power not to fail. And that, puts a bind on us. And we don’t celebrate our wins as we should, or at all for that matter. And in the back of our minds is always the fear that we are impostors, and we don’t deserve the win. Or that the win will be short-lived, and we will face defeat sooner or later.

In other words… ‘’Once we get something, we are at the same time afraid we’re going to lose it.’’

No wonder we are so mixt up!

So, you see, this is the mechanism that holds us back from really enjoying our wins. From really celebrating life. And that is why most people live a mediocre life. And I mean mediocre in ‘’living’’, not having.

We hardly live because we are so afraid to fail!

 

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Stop Searching And Start Living

Stop Searching And Start Living

We are so used to searching for something. Searching for a better life, a better spouse a better home, and so on. We enjoy this search so much we forget to live. We are so ingrained in it that we don’t know anything else. And when we wake up from this, we are old and don’t have any energy to ‘’live’’ anymore.

We forget what is important and get so bamboozled by everybody else, that we don’t see an out. We think it should be like this. But it shouldn’t! We don’t live by moral values anymore. And if we don’t move in accordance with others. We feel left out or falling behind.

We hear this all the time from everyone on the internet and in our lives. You should move ahead in your career and in your life. And have as much as you can. Because it can never be enough. And that, is how we destroy the planet. In our noble pursuit of happiness.

We destroy. We overconsume. And we overreach.

Even our clean energy is wreaking havoc on the environment. Mines for lithium and other minerals needed for batteries. Take advantage of poor people. And don’t care about them, if they live or die, as long as they make their quotas, everything is good.

And all of this is because we feel we need to evolve more, have more, and be more.

But we don’t. We need to slow down. Because if we don’t… The very thing we are trying to achieve will feel miserable and unpleasant when we do get to it. Why?

Because we forget to live in the process. I see lawyers working day and night. Uber drivers, having two jobs, and so on. There is no living. We have fallen from grace. And that is why when you ask people, 90% of them would agree they don’t like their life.

I am not saying you should not do it. That you should give up wanting a better life. But what I am saying is…

You might want to slow down and smell the roses. Make the trip, you always wanted to take but always put on hold because of this or that. Go play with your kids. Have meaningful conversations. And just stop from time to time.

In lockdown when people were forced to stop. Most of them found out that they didn’t have any hobbies or real interests outside of work. And didn’t know what to do with themselves. And that is why we had such a big surge of depression in people. They couldn’t handle being with themselves!

The point I am trying to make is…

We need to ‘’live‘’ our life and not always be so busy, it just passes us by.

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Will We Ever Take Chances Outside Our Comfort Zone, Freely?

Will We Ever Take Chances Outside Our Comfort Zone, Freely?

The comfort zone is a safe haven for most of us. But what we fail to realize is that our comfort zone, right now, used to be outside our comfort zone, in the past. Remember your first assignment, interview, or job, for example. It was outside your comfort zone. But you did it and you got good at it, or somewhat good, over time. Now that has become your new comfort zone. You are comfortable in the position. You can do your job with your eyes closed, so to speak.

We increase our comfort zone mostly when the ‘’knife hits the bone’’. And we are forced, or just need a change so bad, we will do anything to have it. But our emotional comfort zone is something different. We are afraid of feeling too much or losing the love or friendships we already have.

Sometimes we stay in friendships or relationships far too long. Long after they have stopped serving us or making us feel good. Which is sad, but we all do it. We keep them close because we are afraid of letting go.

I remember once when I was watching a video about a cancer survivor on YouTube. And I like after watching, sometimes, to go into comments and see what people wrote. And most, would be other cancer survivors or people still fighting cancer. But something caught my eye. One comment that would ‘’change’’ my life. It was from a sixty-five-year-old lady. Who said…

  • ‘’Your video has inspired me to stop letting people in my life take advantage of me’’

I was speechless for a few moments. I said ‘’I am doing that!’’. Not the, letting people take advantage of me, part. But I had goals that I kept for a long time in my head. I acted a little bit on them. As I am sure this woman has done all her life. And then when it got hard. And I was at the edge of my comfort zone, I reverted back.

And no real progress took place!

Now, she has been trying to stop people from taking advantage of her for a long time. This, I am certain, was not the first time she realized it. But even at 65 yrs. old… She could not do it! She could not stop people take advantage of her. Probably, those people were ‘’her family and friends’’ and she could not bear pushing them away. Because that would mean she had to go and acquire new friends and family. And emotionally that was outside her comfort zone.

So, she settled for the lesser evil. And basically, threw her life away.

Do you think she changed her life after that video? I think not! I think she really meant it in the moment, but failed to follow through the next day.

We fail to recognize we are doing this, until we are on our deathbeds. That is where people, as I’ve seen from studies and interviews, regret the things they haven’t done. They don’t regret the things they’ve done, but the ones they didn’t. So that, is both profound as it is sad. Because if we go in this same way, like the woman above. Very little change will ensue in our life.

And we will regret too many things on our deathbeds!

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How To Change Your Emotion ”Fast”

How To Change Your Emotion ''Fast''

I developed the ‘’I’ll do it tomorrow’’ technique (post here) for myself some time ago. But sometimes when someone has just upset you so hard and you nee to change your emotion . And you are in a setting where you can’t put that person to respect immediately. It may not work as fast as you need it. So, I am experimenting with something I call ‘’perspective shift’’. And it goes like this…

Someone, at work, for example, has upset you so much you want to punch them in the face on the spot. You are fuming! To say the least. And you can’t do anything about it. Because if you do. There will be bigger consequences. Now trying to change how you feel won’t work. Why?

Because if that is what you will do. The feelings will just grow stronger. And you will take the anger at home with you. So, the best way to deal with this, is to have a perspective shift about the event or individual that produced these strong hateful emotions in you. Because you don’t want them anymore. So let me give you an illustration of this. Let’s say…

You had an argument with a colleague, he stole your work, and he got recognition for it.

You are fuming and just can’t stop the hate that you have. But you need to pull yourself together. So, what you do is…

Go to your desk take a few breaths and change your perspective about the event. You may say for example… My work got recognition, which is great. That means I know what I’m doing, and I will not make the same mistake twice with this guy. I know he doesn’t give a s**t so I don’t need to pretend I like him anymore. I can return the favour to him 10-fold. I just have to be patient. It is good it happened now. And not with something more important, etc.

By changing or shifting your perspective. Your emotions will subside. And you will be able to carry on working next to the as****e that did what he did.

The way we interpret things controls our emotions. We can never stop the emotions we’re having. But we can consciously change how we interpret them. Even if sometimes it’s not true. But for the moment we are free and can conduct ourselves well for the rest of the day.

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‘’What Do I Want’’

‘’What Do I Want’’

All my life I wanted to be rich, to be great with women, and to be liked. Now I have succeeded in some of that. I have transformed myself from a total nerd to a guy women would date and even crave. I am liked by people, and I have great friends. I know how to talk to people, and I know how to befriend people. I believe I am a talented guy and usually get what I want. And when I don’t, a better thing comes along anyway.

I am not yet rich, but I am pursuing it. I have skills that help me live comfortably, for now. But I want to go higher. And because of this. My mind is always on business. I think of it from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. But about half a year ago. I have met a man that was successful in the field I am pursuing. And he said ‘’ Now that I can do it successfully, I feel lost and I don’t know what to do with myself. I need to find a new purpose’’

All our life we pursue goals. We do it relentlessly. Each and every one of us. But we never stop and think…

Will I be happy when I get there?

We naturally assume reaching our goals equals happiness. But we never stop and question it. Is it really?

I was talking to the head of a big hospital in London, a heart surgeon, just before Christmas and he told me… that most of his patients are people that do well for themselves. But, because they must advance just a tiny bit further. They destroy their marriages and their health. They have heart attacks and when he tells them they need an operation so he can open their veins so they can live. They tell him they can’t because they need to get back to work.

They sacrifice anything and everything to reach their goal. And for what?

 To be miserable when they get there? Or, if they get there?

That was a wake-up call for me. I was doing that! It consumed me! And it felt like I was going backward. Even though I was giving my best all the time.

I don’t know what to think now when I look back. I went into depression because of this. And I see, in London, men killing themselves because they just can’t get ahead. Only if they knew that that would not bring the happiness they were looking for. Because that’s the point…

We believe reaching that level will just give us a beautiful, pain-free life. But that is seldom the truth. As with the man above, whom I consider a mentor. It won’t! It just won’t! And we need to stop and reflect on this. Now, I am not saying pursuing your dreams is bad. Just that, they are not a be-all and end-all. They are something that keeps us moving forward and that’s it.

Happiness should come from inside us, no matter the environment around us. At the opening of this post, I have listed a series of things about me. That I believe to be true. I look around me and I have a great life. I am happy, but I chose not to be. Because that would have meant I liked where I was and would not reach my ultimate goal, to be rich. And yet I have so many great things going for me.

And so do you!

Do me a favour and just stop for an hour and think of this. Take a few breaths, relax, and enumerate the things you find good in your life. Qualities you have, friends, family, etc.

And sit with it for a little bit. And now close your eyes and imagine you have reached your goal. And from there, let your mind wander and live in that reality for the rest of the hour. And see if, at the end of it, you will still think that reaching that goal is the be-all and end-all you thought it was.

I think not!

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On Being A Real Man

On Being A Real Man

We are surrounded by feminists, equal rights movements, toxic masculinity, and so on. Men don’t know their place anymore. I hear this idea of raising children not knowing their sex so they will identify with what they want. I mean talk about a stupid idea. And I’m not even being mean.

Women say they want a ‘’real man’’. But they started raising pu****s. If you ask a woman what a real man is. They can’t put it into words. All they can muster up is… A man that loves me, takes good care of me, is gentle and kind, and provides for our family. They believe that is what they want. They truly believe that. And I don’t condone it. But here is the kicker…

They don’t go for that type of man when they are young. They go for the bad boy, because he’s exciting. And when they’re about to turn 30 they want security. The bad boy still excites them but this other guy that can take care of a family makes more logical sense to marry.

Driving Uber, I hear this kind of story between friends reaching 30…

-That guy at the party was so hot

 -Yeah, I know he’s young but so attractive

 -How’s it going with you and the guy your seeing

-It’s going well, I think I love him, and were probably going to get married

 -You think you love him?

-Yeah, I mean he works, he’s dependable, and he’s everything I want in a relationship.

-I think it’s going to be ok

Well, it won’t be!

On the other side. The men’s side. I hear a completely different story. How their wives have turned on them, especially after children. No sex, no empathy, they expected them to provide and just do what they say and cater to their every whim or emotion on the basis of ‘’happy wife, happy life’’. That phrase makes me so angry!

I once had four men in the car, two were divorced, one was on the brink of divorce, and one was so deprived of sex he was finding any women he was looking at sexy. All of them have married women that thought like the one in the conversation above.

Women that truly believed, not felt, but truly believed that it’s going to be ok anyway. But obviously, it’s not. Because when a woman doesn’t like you and you try to touch her romantically. She gets so creeped out by it that her hair stands on end and shivers of repulsion go down her spine. No wonder she can’t touch you anymore. This very thing is why women get so emotionally damaged after rape.

Asking women what they want in a man won’t help. Because they can’t explain it verbally. They feel it!

So, what is a real man?…

A real man is a ‘’dangerous man that can control himself’’, in the words of Jordan Peterson. And he is absolutely right. Because dangerous means exciting. It’s beauty and the beast. She wants to be the one who can tame him.

But that’s just part of the equation. The other part is…

No matter how much you love her, you are willing to walk away if she doesn’t meet your standards anymore, and you have the ability to attract another woman immediately.

This is a type of a man that is free. Has choices, and not just in choosing women, but in choosing if he wants to provide for his family. Do you understand what I’m saying…

‘’He chooses to provide for his family’’

In other words, he does not do it because of a sense of duty. He does it because he wants to do it. Because he gets what he needs out of it.

But this, sadly is looked at as toxic masculinity and frowned upon nowadays. And no wonder men are so mixt up. And if you are not the kind of man I am describing above, it’s ok. You can become one. It won’t be easy. But it’s going to be worth it.

I am proof it can be done. I am not fully there yet but that is the direction I am heading. Because once you learn this and most importantly you feel it. You can never go back. And your life will get so much better. And the woman who will be with you, will be happy as well. Because she gets what she truly needs and wants from a man.

 

 

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