From The Peak Of The mountain To The Floor Of The Ocean In One Second

''From The Peak Of The mountain To The Floor Of The Ocean In One Second''

We can go from being on top of the mountain and feeling great to the depths of the ocean and feeling like s**t in a split second. We can have 10 wins in a row. But when one small loss comes along. We get into despair. All the good things before it, are erased. And we just focus on that small loss. It becomes everything, and it consumes us.

But why is that? Why do we so obsess like this?

Because we are thought from a young age to not make mistakes. To do everything in our power not to fail. And that, puts a bind on us. And we don’t celebrate our wins as we should, or at all for that matter. And in the back of our minds is always the fear that we are impostors, and we don’t deserve the win. Or that the win will be short-lived, and we will face defeat sooner or later.

In other words… ‘’Once we get something, we are at the same time afraid we’re going to lose it.’’

No wonder we are so mixt up!

So, you see, this is the mechanism that holds us back from really enjoying our wins. From really celebrating life. And that is why most people live a mediocre life. And I mean mediocre in ‘’living’’, not having.

We hardly live because we are so afraid to fail!

 

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Stop Searching And Start Living

Stop Searching And Start Living

We are so used to searching for something. Searching for a better life, a better spouse a better home, and so on. We enjoy this search so much we forget to live. We are so ingrained in it that we don’t know anything else. And when we wake up from this, we are old and don’t have any energy to ‘’live’’ anymore.

We forget what is important and get so bamboozled by everybody else, that we don’t see an out. We think it should be like this. But it shouldn’t! We don’t live by moral values anymore. And if we don’t move in accordance with others. We feel left out or falling behind.

We hear this all the time from everyone on the internet and in our lives. You should move ahead in your career and in your life. And have as much as you can. Because it can never be enough. And that, is how we destroy the planet. In our noble pursuit of happiness.

We destroy. We overconsume. And we overreach.

Even our clean energy is wreaking havoc on the environment. Mines for lithium and other minerals needed for batteries. Take advantage of poor people. And don’t care about them, if they live or die, as long as they make their quotas, everything is good.

And all of this is because we feel we need to evolve more, have more, and be more.

But we don’t. We need to slow down. Because if we don’t… The very thing we are trying to achieve will feel miserable and unpleasant when we do get to it. Why?

Because we forget to live in the process. I see lawyers working day and night. Uber drivers, having two jobs, and so on. There is no living. We have fallen from grace. And that is why when you ask people, 90% of them would agree they don’t like their life.

I am not saying you should not do it. That you should give up wanting a better life. But what I am saying is…

You might want to slow down and smell the roses. Make the trip, you always wanted to take but always put on hold because of this or that. Go play with your kids. Have meaningful conversations. And just stop from time to time.

In lockdown when people were forced to stop. Most of them found out that they didn’t have any hobbies or real interests outside of work. And didn’t know what to do with themselves. And that is why we had such a big surge of depression in people. They couldn’t handle being with themselves!

The point I am trying to make is…

We need to ‘’live‘’ our life and not always be so busy, it just passes us by.

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Will We Ever Take Chances Outside Our Comfort Zone, Freely?

Will We Ever Take Chances Outside Our Comfort Zone, Freely?

The comfort zone is a safe haven for most of us. But what we fail to realize is that our comfort zone, right now, used to be outside our comfort zone, in the past. Remember your first assignment, interview, or job, for example. It was outside your comfort zone. But you did it and you got good at it, or somewhat good, over time. Now that has become your new comfort zone. You are comfortable in the position. You can do your job with your eyes closed, so to speak.

We increase our comfort zone mostly when the ‘’knife hits the bone’’. And we are forced, or just need a change so bad, we will do anything to have it. But our emotional comfort zone is something different. We are afraid of feeling too much or losing the love or friendships we already have.

Sometimes we stay in friendships or relationships far too long. Long after they have stopped serving us or making us feel good. Which is sad, but we all do it. We keep them close because we are afraid of letting go.

I remember once when I was watching a video about a cancer survivor on YouTube. And I like after watching, sometimes, to go into comments and see what people wrote. And most, would be other cancer survivors or people still fighting cancer. But something caught my eye. One comment that would ‘’change’’ my life. It was from a sixty-five-year-old lady. Who said…

  • ‘’Your video has inspired me to stop letting people in my life take advantage of me’’

I was speechless for a few moments. I said ‘’I am doing that!’’. Not the, letting people take advantage of me, part. But I had goals that I kept for a long time in my head. I acted a little bit on them. As I am sure this woman has done all her life. And then when it got hard. And I was at the edge of my comfort zone, I reverted back.

And no real progress took place!

Now, she has been trying to stop people from taking advantage of her for a long time. This, I am certain, was not the first time she realized it. But even at 65 yrs. old… She could not do it! She could not stop people take advantage of her. Probably, those people were ‘’her family and friends’’ and she could not bear pushing them away. Because that would mean she had to go and acquire new friends and family. And emotionally that was outside her comfort zone.

So, she settled for the lesser evil. And basically, threw her life away.

Do you think she changed her life after that video? I think not! I think she really meant it in the moment, but failed to follow through the next day.

We fail to recognize we are doing this, until we are on our deathbeds. That is where people, as I’ve seen from studies and interviews, regret the things they haven’t done. They don’t regret the things they’ve done, but the ones they didn’t. So that, is both profound as it is sad. Because if we go in this same way, like the woman above. Very little change will ensue in our life.

And we will regret too many things on our deathbeds!

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How To Change Your Emotion ”Fast”

How To Change Your Emotion ''Fast''

I developed the ‘’I’ll do it tomorrow’’ technique (post here) for myself some time ago. But sometimes when someone has just upset you so hard and you nee to change your emotion . And you are in a setting where you can’t put that person to respect immediately. It may not work as fast as you need it. So, I am experimenting with something I call ‘’perspective shift’’. And it goes like this…

Someone, at work, for example, has upset you so much you want to punch them in the face on the spot. You are fuming! To say the least. And you can’t do anything about it. Because if you do. There will be bigger consequences. Now trying to change how you feel won’t work. Why?

Because if that is what you will do. The feelings will just grow stronger. And you will take the anger at home with you. So, the best way to deal with this, is to have a perspective shift about the event or individual that produced these strong hateful emotions in you. Because you don’t want them anymore. So let me give you an illustration of this. Let’s say…

You had an argument with a colleague, he stole your work, and he got recognition for it.

You are fuming and just can’t stop the hate that you have. But you need to pull yourself together. So, what you do is…

Go to your desk take a few breaths and change your perspective about the event. You may say for example… My work got recognition, which is great. That means I know what I’m doing, and I will not make the same mistake twice with this guy. I know he doesn’t give a s**t so I don’t need to pretend I like him anymore. I can return the favour to him 10-fold. I just have to be patient. It is good it happened now. And not with something more important, etc.

By changing or shifting your perspective. Your emotions will subside. And you will be able to carry on working next to the as****e that did what he did.

The way we interpret things controls our emotions. We can never stop the emotions we’re having. But we can consciously change how we interpret them. Even if sometimes it’s not true. But for the moment we are free and can conduct ourselves well for the rest of the day.

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‘’What Do I Want’’

‘’What Do I Want’’

All my life I wanted to be rich, to be great with women, and to be liked. Now I have succeeded in some of that. I have transformed myself from a total nerd to a guy women would date and even crave. I am liked by people, and I have great friends. I know how to talk to people, and I know how to befriend people. I believe I am a talented guy and usually get what I want. And when I don’t, a better thing comes along anyway.

I am not yet rich, but I am pursuing it. I have skills that help me live comfortably, for now. But I want to go higher. And because of this. My mind is always on business. I think of it from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep. But about half a year ago. I have met a man that was successful in the field I am pursuing. And he said ‘’ Now that I can do it successfully, I feel lost and I don’t know what to do with myself. I need to find a new purpose’’

All our life we pursue goals. We do it relentlessly. Each and every one of us. But we never stop and think…

Will I be happy when I get there?

We naturally assume reaching our goals equals happiness. But we never stop and question it. Is it really?

I was talking to the head of a big hospital in London, a heart surgeon, just before Christmas and he told me… that most of his patients are people that do well for themselves. But, because they must advance just a tiny bit further. They destroy their marriages and their health. They have heart attacks and when he tells them they need an operation so he can open their veins so they can live. They tell him they can’t because they need to get back to work.

They sacrifice anything and everything to reach their goal. And for what?

 To be miserable when they get there? Or, if they get there?

That was a wake-up call for me. I was doing that! It consumed me! And it felt like I was going backward. Even though I was giving my best all the time.

I don’t know what to think now when I look back. I went into depression because of this. And I see, in London, men killing themselves because they just can’t get ahead. Only if they knew that that would not bring the happiness they were looking for. Because that’s the point…

We believe reaching that level will just give us a beautiful, pain-free life. But that is seldom the truth. As with the man above, whom I consider a mentor. It won’t! It just won’t! And we need to stop and reflect on this. Now, I am not saying pursuing your dreams is bad. Just that, they are not a be-all and end-all. They are something that keeps us moving forward and that’s it.

Happiness should come from inside us, no matter the environment around us. At the opening of this post, I have listed a series of things about me. That I believe to be true. I look around me and I have a great life. I am happy, but I chose not to be. Because that would have meant I liked where I was and would not reach my ultimate goal, to be rich. And yet I have so many great things going for me.

And so do you!

Do me a favour and just stop for an hour and think of this. Take a few breaths, relax, and enumerate the things you find good in your life. Qualities you have, friends, family, etc.

And sit with it for a little bit. And now close your eyes and imagine you have reached your goal. And from there, let your mind wander and live in that reality for the rest of the hour. And see if, at the end of it, you will still think that reaching that goal is the be-all and end-all you thought it was.

I think not!

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On Being A Real Man

On Being A Real Man

We are surrounded by feminists, equal rights movements, toxic masculinity, and so on. Men don’t know their place anymore. I hear this idea of raising children not knowing their sex so they will identify with what they want. I mean talk about a stupid idea. And I’m not even being mean.

Women say they want a ‘’real man’’. But they started raising pu****s. If you ask a woman what a real man is. They can’t put it into words. All they can muster up is… A man that loves me, takes good care of me, is gentle and kind, and provides for our family. They believe that is what they want. They truly believe that. And I don’t condone it. But here is the kicker…

They don’t go for that type of man when they are young. They go for the bad boy, because he’s exciting. And when they’re about to turn 30 they want security. The bad boy still excites them but this other guy that can take care of a family makes more logical sense to marry.

Driving Uber, I hear this kind of story between friends reaching 30…

-That guy at the party was so hot

 -Yeah, I know he’s young but so attractive

 -How’s it going with you and the guy your seeing

-It’s going well, I think I love him, and were probably going to get married

 -You think you love him?

-Yeah, I mean he works, he’s dependable, and he’s everything I want in a relationship.

-I think it’s going to be ok

Well, it won’t be!

On the other side. The men’s side. I hear a completely different story. How their wives have turned on them, especially after children. No sex, no empathy, they expected them to provide and just do what they say and cater to their every whim or emotion on the basis of ‘’happy wife, happy life’’. That phrase makes me so angry!

I once had four men in the car, two were divorced, one was on the brink of divorce, and one was so deprived of sex he was finding any women he was looking at sexy. All of them have married women that thought like the one in the conversation above.

Women that truly believed, not felt, but truly believed that it’s going to be ok anyway. But obviously, it’s not. Because when a woman doesn’t like you and you try to touch her romantically. She gets so creeped out by it that her hair stands on end and shivers of repulsion go down her spine. No wonder she can’t touch you anymore. This very thing is why women get so emotionally damaged after rape.

Asking women what they want in a man won’t help. Because they can’t explain it verbally. They feel it!

So, what is a real man?…

A real man is a ‘’dangerous man that can control himself’’, in the words of Jordan Peterson. And he is absolutely right. Because dangerous means exciting. It’s beauty and the beast. She wants to be the one who can tame him.

But that’s just part of the equation. The other part is…

No matter how much you love her, you are willing to walk away if she doesn’t meet your standards anymore, and you have the ability to attract another woman immediately.

This is a type of a man that is free. Has choices, and not just in choosing women, but in choosing if he wants to provide for his family. Do you understand what I’m saying…

‘’He chooses to provide for his family’’

In other words, he does not do it because of a sense of duty. He does it because he wants to do it. Because he gets what he needs out of it.

But this, sadly is looked at as toxic masculinity and frowned upon nowadays. And no wonder men are so mixt up. And if you are not the kind of man I am describing above, it’s ok. You can become one. It won’t be easy. But it’s going to be worth it.

I am proof it can be done. I am not fully there yet but that is the direction I am heading. Because once you learn this and most importantly you feel it. You can never go back. And your life will get so much better. And the woman who will be with you, will be happy as well. Because she gets what she truly needs and wants from a man.

 

 

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Trying To Succeed

Trying To Succeed

Since I was a child, I knew I wanted to be rich when I grew up. And the reason was, that I liked sweets. And we didn’t have a lot of money, so my mother seldom bought us some. So, I always had this thought in the back of my mind. Fast forward to my teens I started reading books and trying to apply the principles thought in them. They were sound and gave me hope that if I just applied them, I would succeed.

But it didn’t work!

I would start applying the principles and then after a week or so I would just not see results and move to another thing. They maybe would have helped me, but I couldn’t stay focused on doing them for more than a couple of weeks.

And so, I thought I wasn’t applying them right and I tried and tried. But the same result, absolute failure!

When I started work. I did the same thing. I put money into things that will help me. But eventually, I would give up and come back to my day job. It was brutal. It brought me to the brink of depression. I started believing that I must focus only on building a business.

And if I was happy where I was, I would never get there. So, I went on.

I would think of a new idea and hold it in my head for a long time. I would learn as much as I could about it. And then start to build the business and in a short while after starting, fail and stop.

I have worked on one business for 5 years only to get out some of the money that I put in. I have worked like crazy. And nothing. No success.

I am 34 now and still do not have a successful business. And this is a long time since I started to think about it when I was maybe 5 yrs. old. I mean my God, the horror!

I was going fast nowhere. And I knew it! But I would just stay in the same pattern. I couldn’t appreciate the things in my life, because if I did. That would mean I was happy where I was, and I won’t be able to move forward in making a lot of money. I figured, I would be happy then.

Well, I was wrong!

In 2020 during covid, I have taken most of the year off from working. And just looked at what or why was I not going where I wanted to go. Why everything was not going according to plan. And I realized many things about myself. The first thing I did, which was not easy to do. Was… slow down and look at me. At nothing else but me. I was trying to build another business but that was, second place now.

So, looking at myself I have found something. And that is…

I am not like everybody else, yet I am the same!

I looked at my ‘’worst habits’’. The ones that I thought I had to get rid of. And I looked at them with love. This is me, and by just doing them over and over I must like them. So why get rid of them? Why not build with them? So, I did…

  • I thought I was lazy because I always quit when it got hard. So, everything I do now needs to feel easy in my mind. The word hard is ‘’banished’’. I don’t even pronounce it.
  • I like watching movies or tv, but because I can binge a whole series in a matter of days. I stopped watching them or was ashamed when I broke the rule. So, I decided not to be ashamed and just enjoy the series. If I wanted to see one. I did! And now I can watch one and be able to go back to work even more productively.
  • I used to daydream a lot. And always felt that it stopped me from taking action. Now I have given myself permission to daydream as much as I want if my work won’t be affected. The result… I rarely daydream and am more present in what I do.
  • If I did something like going to the gym for a month and then not going for a week. I would feel I broke my goal and not go anymore. So now I just look at those days off as a present for being good. And I start going to the gym again. And I see results etc.

I went from £5000 in my account at the end of 2020 to £50,000 at the end of 2021 after vacations, time off, and living expenses. And I grew from there. I am not where I want to be yet. But it doesn’t matter anymore. I love my life more. I love myself more, because I know I am not broken. I love my ‘’bad’’ habits. Because they helped me have an edge.

So just love yourself and all your habits. Don’t push them away and just build on them or with them. And you may just surprise yourself.

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I’ll Do It Tomorrow

I’ll Do It Tomorrow

This is the procrastinator’s preferred phrase. It’s used because we truly believe that we will do the thing we need to do tomorrow. Such as…

‘’I’ll do it tomorrow because there’s still time’’

So, I got to thinking about this. Started experimenting with it. And turned it into a technique I am currently using. It’s called the ‘’I’ll do it tomorrow technique’’. And it works like this…

If I feel very sad or low at some point during the day or just plain hate somebody for something they did. And I don’t want to feel like that. I stop and look at what I’m feeling and say ‘’I’ll feel like this tomorrow and then some. But now, I’ll just carry on’’

And what I’ve found was. I start feeling better. Because I acknowledge the feelings. I don’t block them. But just differ them in the future i.e., tomorrow. And as any good procrastinator knows…

Tomorrow never comes!

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The Myth Of Not Having Enough Time

The Myth Of Not Having Enough Time

We are bamboozled by all these gurus saying that we must hurry to do something, to get success. Because we have such a short time on this earth. So, we listen and we do. We live in anxiety all the time because we feel there is ‘’no time’’. It’s so short that we have to do something. And when we need to rest, we feel bad because ‘’we waste time’’.

All this does is create anxiety. And this anxiety keeps us in fight or flight mode. And guess what?…

We become stupider in the process. Because when we’re stressed our prefrontal cortex starts to shut down. We lose IQ! So now we hurry and do more dumb s**t than is necessary. I mean my God, if you just look at your life. Most of the meaningful things you had or done were done with no haste. You took your time!

We have enough time. It doesn’t matter how long or how short. We have enough!

Once you get that and don’t hurry. You might just find what you are looking for.

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‘’Why Do Cancer Patients Start Doing S**t’’

‘’Why Do Cancer Patients Start Doing S**t’’

I have recently started a crowdfund to help my niece because she has cancer and her parents have run out of money for her treatments. And I thought what better way, than to go on Ted talks of cancer survivors. And post a comment there and maybe someone would donate (boy was I wrong!).

But I saw something. These cancer survivors went over their fears in public, even if it hurt They became stronger mentally and would not give up easily. They have broken their psychological resistance. And were operating with less fear.

It got to the point where one speaker said that everybody was waiting for her to do something amazing. To do her part. This blew me away!

Why do we expect them to succeed now they have survived cancer?

  • They are the same people.
  • They did not become someone else.
  • They are no smarter than before

We know the answer, but we are too afraid to use it. We intuitively know that, if we do use it. We would have some sort of success. But it would mean putting ourselves out there, like the cancer survivors. Everybody to see our flaws and still move forward. That is not a pleasant place. It’s out of our comfort zone.

So, we know it is possible, but we don’t act. This is the truth. We hold on too tightly to what we have. That we never move ahead. Even if we say that is the direction we are taking. It’s not!

This is a beautiful paradox that keeps us tied in our little cocoons. And we just spend our lives, only having what we want, in our imagination.

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